Big Time Affair
by ThatGuy21
Summary: Sequel to the one-shot, Big Time Lust. Logan and Kendall start an illicit affair, even though Logan is with Camille and Kendall is with Jo. How will the boys juggle their secret and their relationships?
1. Same Time, Same Place

**A/N: So as promised, I'm now focusing my attention to the sequel to "Big Time Lust". Initially, it was intended as just a one-shot, but as I wrote it, I had a few ideas of where the story could go if I wanted to continue with it. I decided to keep "Big Time Lust" as a one-shot, because I know some readers like reading one-shots over chaptered stories, but for those of you who wanted to explore what happened after that one-shot, this fanfic is for you!**

**The good thing is that you can read both separating and they make sense on their own, but they also make sense together as a entire story. In case you haven't read "Big Time Lust" and are curious to, click here: s/8688292/1/Big-Time-Lust**

**Song inspiration for this chapter is from "Do You Wanna Touch" by Joan Jett & the Blackhearts.**

**Please read and review! Hope you like it!**

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I tilt my head back against the lounge chair, allowing my face to soak in the sunrays. It's a perfect summer day. The sky is a cloudless blue, the air is warm but with cool breezes passing through from time to time, and the poolside is extra lively today—everyone is taking advantage of the beautiful weather.

I take a sip of my overpriced smoothie. Seriously, what people are willing to pay for in L.A. is absurd. But I decide to hell with frugality today. Today is my day to indulge. Today is my day to finally _relax_.

I stretch my legs, flex my toes, place my hands behind my head and lean back. I let out a small sigh. It's been a while since I've last felt at ease. Nothing could ruin my current tranquility. Nothing that is except seeing Kendall and Jo enter the pool area.

"Shit!" I mutter.

I quickly scoop up my things, but clumsily knock over my pink smoothie. Shit! Well, there goes five bucks! I barely took a single sip of it, too! I'm half running and half trying to get my flip flops to cooperate and stay on my feet. I must look like a madman to the onlookers.

Luckily, with how packed the pool is today, I don't think Kendall or Jo sees me. I shamelessly hide behind a guy who just got out of the pool to dry off. I'm standing much too close for comfort. He gives me a dirty look, and I give me a sheepish smile and dash off, abandoning my poor hiding spot.

Without asking, I grab a nearby girl's big straw hat, and cover the side of my face as I scurry along the side of the pool. Kendall and Jo are on the opposite side of pool, but they may still see me. I'm not taking any chances.

I could have made it back inside, but because of the Jennifers, my swift exit is blocked. And worse, they seem to be walking in even slower motion than usual.

I realize I need to take cover, so I beeline towards the cabanas, when I see a couple exiting from one. I ditch the straw hat and quickly duck into the vacant cabana. As soon as I realize I'm in the clear, I fall back onto a chair and let out a long sigh of relief.

I peek through the slit of the cabana drapes. I see that Kendall and Jo have found empty lounge chairs. It doesn't appear like they spotted me. I can't help but think how ridiculous I must look right now, hiding from my friends. But I wouldn't do it unless I had a good reason.

About two weeks back, I made a mistake—a terrible one. I slept with Kendall, my best friend, who ironically has a girlfriend; Jo. It was a one-time thing, but it should never have happened. And ever since then, I have been wearing this guilt everywhere with me. I'm consumed by it. I can't sleep, I can't eat, I can't even relax, because apparently when I do—like today—I'm reminded of what a horrible person I am.

To make matters worse, my bizarre on-again/off-again relationship with Camille makes things more complicated—and the guilt intensified. And of course, Camille now decides she wants us to be on again. I've been avoiding her, as well. It's just easier to avoid everyone. I've never been good at lying; I'm too readable.

If it came down to it, I'd probably let out the secret without having been asked, because that's how badly I buckle under pressure. Yes, avoid, avoid, avoid! That's what I've been doing, and that's what I'll continue on doing! That is, until I figure out a more sensible plan than constantly hiding behind bushes wearing tree hats…

I decide that I've been hiding in the cabana long enough and the coast is probably clear now for me to dash back to the apartment. I duck out of the cabana and make a run for it. I quickly glance behind me, making sure I'm not spotted, but when I do—_BAM!_—I run into Kendall. Like, literally run into him, causing him to spill the smoothies he's holding on to his shirt.

"Whoa! Logan!" Kendall shrieks.

"I am so sorry, Kendall!" I genuinely apologize, but I'm still tempted to make a run for it, even though I know it'll only make me look more deranged than I've already managed.

"You made me spill my pink smoothie," he frowns.

Of course he'd be upset over his beloved pink smoothie. I can't help but want to kiss him. _Stop, Logan! You need to get the hell out of there as quickly as possible_,I command myself.

"Again, I'm so sorry. If it makes you feel any better, you're not the only one who spilled his smoothie today," I chuckle nervously.

He smiles at this. I offer him my towel and while he's wiping the excess smoothie from his t-shirt, I can't help but stare at how the liquid has seeped through the thin cotton and is now clinging tightly to his chest.

_Get out of there!_ my subconscious reminds me.

"What's the big rush anyway?" he finally asks, preventing me from pathetically drooling over him.

"Uh, I got that… thing," I stammer. "So, I have to go and, you know, do that… thing."

_That 'thing'? Really?_

Could I be any worse at lying? He narrows his eyes at me.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"Pfft, fine! Couldn't be better! Bleep blap bloop!" I laugh maniacally. Yeah, way to not cause a scene…

"Logan, do we need to talk?" Kendall asserts in a lower tone so only I can hear.

Upon hearing this, I suddenly return to normal.

"I'm so glad you asked," I sigh from relief. "I've been going crazy not knowing what to do or say around everyone, including you!"

"Is that why you've been avoiding me lately?"

I simply nod without making any eye contact.

I suppose he hasn't been completely oblivious to my odd behavior the last two weeks. Which begs the question, why has he been so calm about it? Why hasn't his guilt been eating away at him? Why hasn't he worn ridiculous tree hats, dressed incognito, or hid in dumpsters like I have? Hell, I'm still trying to get the smell of trash off my skin after last week, when I jumped into a dumpster at the sight of him and Jo walking my way.

"I can't keep living like this, Kendall," I state. "I think we have to Jo and Camille."

"No," Kendall simply replies. I flinch at how decisive he is on an issue that affects several people.

"Just like that? 'No'?" I question.

"We can't tell the girls, Logan. It'll only make things worse."

"But keeping this betrayal from them makes it, what, better?" I challenge.

"No," he shakes his head. "Of course, it doesn't. But, at least it makes it less painful for them."

"What about me?"

Even my own voice sounds so fragile to my ears. He looks at me with guilt-ridden eyes. He must feel it, too, right?

"Logan, just please keep it together… for now, at least? Then we'll figure something out," he proposes.

I'm stunned.

This is his plan; for me to zip my mouth shut and wallow in the guilt internally? I don't think I have the strength to keep up the act much longer.

I realize that I'm not only ashamed of what I did, but I'm now also angry. I'm angry that Kendall seems impassive about the whole situation.

"Forget it," I scoff. I walk past him.

"Logan! Wait!" He calls, then grabs me by my arm. "I don't understand why you're upset."

"And I don't understand why you aren't," I retort. "For almost two weeks, I—" I begin. But then I see we've amassed an audience, including Jo, who's watching us from her lounge chair with curious eyes. "Nevermind. This isn't the time or place," I whisper and then I quickly walk off before Kendall has a chance to stop me.

I storm through the Palm Woods lobby and jump into the empty elevator and push to close the elevator doors. I feel alone. It's been hard keeping this secret. I guess a part of me naively assumed Kendall would understand—that he felt the same burden as I've felt these last two weeks. But I guess he hasn't. It infuriates me that I can't even count on my best friend, especially since it's a shared secret. It also saddens me that I don't know him as well as I thought.

When I get into the apartment, I go directly to the bathroom and slam the door. I perch over the bathroom sink and I allow the frustration to pour out of me. I know I can't stay mad long—I've never been the type to hold grudges even if I tried—especially with Kendall. But I feel like I shouldn't be in this alone. I needed Kendall to empathize. After all, he is in this mess, too. Did it not make a difference to him who he hurts, including his girlfriend?

Suddenly, the bathroom doorknob jiggles and pops open. Kendall appears. I feel two things in that moment upon seeing his face; anger and relief. I'm not sure which one's the dominant emotion.

"What are you doing here?" I try to ask casually, but I know I can't fully wipe the hurt off my face.

"I just wanted to make sure you were all right," Kendall replies softly. His tone seems sincere enough.

"No, I'm not all right. I haven't been all right," I confess.

"I'm sorry to hear that, Logie," he says in a low voice.

I flinch. That's not fair. He doesn't get to be all cute and use pet names, especially after acting so callous and insensitive about what we did to people whom we care about.

"Don't do that," I warn him. He shakes his head.

"Don't do what?"

He looks at me with those hypnotic, vulnerable, green eyes.

"That. Don't play the victim, because you aren't the victim," I state, before clarifying. "And neither am I. We both know who the victims are in this situation."

"I'm not playing the victim, Logie," he says, taking a step towards me. I reflexively move back.

"And stop calling me that," I demand, but it sounds less strong than I'd hoped. I can't seem to resist him…

"What? Logie?" He chuckles. "Why not? I've called you that since the 3rd grade," he reminds me.

True; he has. Only difference is it now has a much greater impact on me than it did back then. I'm practically putty in his hands every time he calls me that now.

He moves in without hesitation. I try to stand firm, but he's now towering over me, and I'm force to look up at him through my fringe of lashes. I instinctively glance at his lips. I know those lips. I know them well. I've tasted those lips before, and oh how badly I want to taste them again now. But I shake the thought away.

"What are you doing?" I ask almost in a whisper, when only a few inches separate us.

He tilts his head down, letting his forehead rest against mine. He smells divine...

He doesn't answer my question, but instead asks his own.

"Remember the last time we were in here together?"

"How could I forget?" I admit instantly.

"You, too, huh? I can't stop thinking about what we did either," he gives me a sly grin. "I know it was wrong, but… it felt so damn right…"

Now I'm speechless.

"It was wrong," I remind him when I find my voice again. I realize I have to be the disciplined one. He ignores what I said though.

"It was right there," he points to the floor. "On that rug, remember?"

"I remember," I breathe.

I'm immediately flooded with images of us having sex on the bathroom floor—panting, moaning and sweating. Then images of him, grunting, grinding and thrusting invade my mind, too.

"I want you, Logan," he moans into my ear.

I gulp. My heart doubles and I'm losing control of that righteous façade.

"We can't," I declare. I try to push him away, but his weight is greater than expected, so now my hand is simply pressed on his chest. I feel the warmth of his body radiate.

"Tell me you didn't enjoy it. Tell me that wasn't the best orgasm you ever had," he challenges. I shift uncomfortably at his boldness.

He's much too close. I can smell his delicious scent, and it's simply intoxicating. It reminds me of our last encounter here. It's like déjà vu; same time, same place.

"Th-that's not the point," I stutter.

"I thought so. I know you felt what I felt," he smiles arrogantly.

I want to punch that smirk off his face, but at the same time, I want to kiss him passionately for how hot he looks right now. What's wrong with me?

"I got to go," I lie.

"Oh, right. I forgot. You have that 'thing' to do," he mocks. I want to sock him again. "You know, Logan, you can always do _me_ instead," he adds.

My jaw drops. Is my best friend really seducing me in the bathroom again?

"I can't," I resist with much internal discord.

"Oh, yeah? Your buddy there seems to disagree," he purrs into my ear as he grabs my crotch. I feel slightly violated, but my arousal easily trumps it.

"Kendall…" I whine.

It's a futile protest, because it's crystal clear that I want him badly. I know it, and sadly Kendall knows it, too. And he's taking full advantage of that knowledge. Question is whether I submit to him or not.

"I've been thinking about you nonstop for the past two weeks, Logie. Please tell me you've been thinking about me, too," he pleads.

He's crazy if he thinks I don't desire him.

"All the time," I confess almost breathlessly.

He produces a small smile; probably because of his triumph over me.

"Tell me you want me," he commands.

It's so hot how he's taking control of the situation.

"I want you," I respond submissively.

"Tell me you need me."

"I need you."

"Now tell me to fuck you."

"Fuck me," I order.

And before I can fully register what's happening, our clothes are torn from our bodies, and we're completely naked. Kendall pushes my back against the wall, and effortlessly hoists me up. I wrap my legs around his body, and curl my arms under his arms. He places his left hand on the wall for added support, then reaches down and steadies his undeniably hard member underneath my opening. I slowly slide down as he moves his body upwards and our bodies connect. It's instantaneously and ridiculously sensational.

He moans loudly against my neck as he pulls out halfway and then inserts himself again into me. I try to contain my moans, but I prove it's much too difficult and I yield to my pleasure. We develop a rhythmic pace and soon enough, Kendall is pounding into me against the wall. I wrap my legs tighter around him, and even dig my heels into his ass. He continues ramming swiftly into me as I move my hips in a back and forth motion.

I feel our sweaty bodies slapping against each other. The sensation is mind-numbing. I'm in such a euphoric state that I almost lose my balance. But, luckily, I grip onto the towel bar next me and regain my balance. This only allows Kendall to slam harder and deeper into me. Every inch of my body is alive, alert and on fire.

I pull his body closer against mine. Our bodies are flush against one another. We're like two halves of a whole. We're an effective team. We move in perfect synchronization. I realize I yearn for him in an immediate and primal way. I've never wanted someone's touch as much as I want his. I now understand why I have always been drawn to him. I can no longer fight it…

I'm ready to relinquish my self-control. And coincidentally, I feel I'm at my sexual limit. I'm ready to give in. Kendall moves in me a few more times and not before long, I let out a growl and I release everything I've been holding inside.

I'm transported. I'm free falling, but I'm lighter than air. I'm complete.

When my senses return, I open my eyes and I see Kendall gazing at me. He's looking at me with dreamy eyes. His mouth is slightly open, and he's panting. Then I realize I am, too. My lungs feel overworked. Both of us are trying to catch the oxygen in the air.

I'm drenched in sweat. My face is dripping in it, my neck is slick with the moisture, and my body is bathed in my perspiration. Kendall is covered in sweat, as well. This only makes him look even more like a sex god though. His body is literally glistening.

I look down and realize we're not covered in just sweat. We're also covered in a big mess from the huge load I shot. My cheeks reddening even more from chagrin.

Kendall gives me an exhausted smile, but it's disarmingly adorable. Then he moves in and kisses me unexpectedly. It's one of those long, lazy, drawn out kisses. Our sweaty bodies cling to one another, and I can feel the stickiness of my cum adhering our bodies together… It's so hot.

When Kendall pulls himself out of me, that's when I realize he had been still inside of me—and he's still hard! I feel a little bit smug knowing I turn him on that much.

He then lowers me so I'm on my feet again. He plants a softer kiss this time. It's deliciously sweet. _He's_ deliciously sweet.

"Best orgasm ever?" He asks, arching his full brow.

"Something like that," I smile.

He's towers over me. He looks at me with animalistic eyes. I want him again.

He wants me, too. I know this. It's not arrogance. I can inexplicably feel the lust radiate off of him.

He bites his lower lip and just as he's about ready to pounce on me again, we hear the front door open.

"Fuck!" Kendall curses.

My heart leaps. We can't be seen like this. What if it's Jo? Or Camille?

I mentally curse repeatedly in my head.

We throw on our clothes at blinding speed. We're dressed as quickly as we got undressed. A little disheveled maybe, but it's going to have to be good enough. There's just not an adequate enough of an excuse for two teen boys leaving a bathroom together.

"You leave first," I whisper.

Kendall nods. He's smart enough to understand the awkwardness of the situation.

I'm left wondering what Kendall and I are doing. I mean, we cannot possibly keep this affair—I briefly freeze at the word—going without it affecting our friendship. And more importantly, other people are involved. Other people who have no idea that the ones they love have betrayed them.

Then, unexpectedly, Kendall runs back. For a second, I thought he had forgotten a piece of clothing, but instead, he runs to me and plants a hard kiss on my mouth. I barely have time to react, so I'm standing there with my mouth slightly open.

He looks at me briefly and flashes me a smile, before running out of the bathroom again.

I'm left standing there more confused than ever. I feel a huge surge of guilt hit me, but if I'm being honest, it's overpowered by my longing for Kendall. I realize I miss him already.

I'm left there thinking: what is happening?


	2. Addiction

**A/N: "Big Time Affair" (which I'll just dub as BTA for short from now on) is back! Sorry I wasn't able to post a new chapter last weekend; it was a busy week with Thanksgiving and Black Friday. But anyway, I'm already working on the next few chapters and I'm starting to have a clear direction of where I want this story to go.**

**As some of you already know, BTA is the direct sequel to my one-shot, "Big Time Lust", so if you haven't read that yet, you can check it out under my stories.**

**This chapter I really wanted to delve deeper into Logan's confliction over his affair with Kendall. I knew from the beginning I wanted to keep the story from Logan's perspective, because I think it's much more interesting experiencing the story through his eyes. You're inside his head and you get a better understanding of his thoughts, whether he's feeling guilty, jealous, lustful, etc. Also, the line between lust and love start to blur a bit for him, so it'll be interesting to see how to figures things out with Kendall, as well as if he can continue living with the secret on his conscience.**

**Their affair is obviously fueled by lust, so this chapter (and if I'm being honest, the concept of the whole story even) was inspired by Britney Spears' "Breathe On Me", because it's probably one of the sexiest songs in the 00's.**

**Without further ado, I give you chapter 2 of BTA; "Addiction". Enjoy and please review!**

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That night, I lie awake. I can't sleep. Images from earlier in the afternoon swarm my mind. I relive the encounter in my head—the panting, the moaning, the thrusting… I now understand what they mean by afternoon delight. I can't help but think of the smoothness of his skin brushing against mine, and the goose bumps that formed on me as a result. I can't help but imagine his scent lingering and intoxicatingme. I can't help but picture his pillowy lips, pressing against my own…

Fuck. I need to stop.

I need to get Kendall off my mind. If I continue obsessing like this, I'll only enter dangerous territory. _He's not yours_, I remind my lust-driven half.

I toss and turn, with no signs of falling asleep any time soon. My skin aches for Kendall. It crawls and begs for him. It's like I'm experiencing a Kendall withdrawal. He's becoming my addiction. I need to take another hit.

I check the clock again. I don't know why I do this; it only serves to remind me of my restless state. Then I glance over at the empty bed—the bed where Kendall should be, but currently is not. I sigh and my mind begins to wonder where he is. My mind answers back: _Isn't it obvious? He's with Jo—his girlfriend. _

Jealousy hits me. I know I'm not allowed to be jealous. I have no right to be. _You can't be jealous if you're a man-stealing, backstabbing friend_, I tell myself. It's no use. I'm still jealous. I feel how I feel, and I can't seem to help it, just like I can't seem to get a grip on this addiction I have for Kendall. Where the hell is he this late, anyway?

Uninvited images of Kendall having sex with Jo spring into my mind. I try to purge them, but the more I try, the more visions of him caressing her and kissing her appear. I bury my face into the pillow and scream. I picture Kendall—just Kendall. I picture his face; his masculine jaw, his dimples, his eyes… I picture his body; his long lean frame, his wide shoulders, his impressive dick…

My sad reverie is disrupted when I suddenly hear the front door open. I find myself pathetically anxious and excited that he's back.

A few moments later, the bedroom knob turns and he cautiously tip-toes in, without any light source guiding his way. He fumbles into his dresser and curses under his breath. I let out an involuntary snort.

"Logan?" he calls out. Shit. I don't know if I should respond or pretend I'm asleep.

"Yeah?" I finally say.

"Did I wake you?"

Even his voice is dreamy.

"No, I just got into bed," I lie.

He doesn't say anything. Instead, he pulls the hem of his shirt and removes it. His long body stretches upwards as he pulls the shirt over his head. The sight of that alone is pure seduction, whether that was his intent or not.

He runs his hand through his dirty blonde hair and lets out a deep sigh. I wonder what he's sighing about.

"Rough night?" I ask.

"You can say that," he groans, while he undoes his pants. He slides them off and stands in his boxers.

He's a vision of perfection standing by our moonlit window.

He stands there for a moment and I see him internally debating something—I'm not sure what. He glances at his bed for a second, and then back at me. I now realize that he wants to sleep in my bed. I tense up.

He hesitates, but then walks over to my bed, where I have the covers practically up to my chin. I'm emotionally conflicted. A part of me knows I need to stop this nonsense and deny him. But another part of me wants to open the covers and embrace him.

_Don't do it, Logan!_, my logical half screams at me.

He leans over me once he's at the edge of my bed. Unconsciously, I lift the covers and he slides into my bed.

He scoots closer and presses himself against me. My breathing hitches. His body feels warm; it's instantly comforting. I take in his delicious scent and my Kendall fix is satiated. Is this what addiction feels like?

My back is still to him. He pulls me closer to his body. I can feel him… _all_ of him. He presses his hardened length against me. My shoulders stiffen. Then I feel his lips on my shoulder. He showers me with a flurry of light kisses. My shoulders drop and relax. I love it when it's like this—sweet and tender. It's the Kendall that I've always known and loved.

But I realize that I'm holding my breath. I exhale and resuming breathing normally. I try to calm myself. _It's just Kendall_, I tell myself. I find the courage to turn around and look at him. When I do, I'm greeted with a kiss on the lips. My heart begins beating at a faster pace.

With the moonlight hitting his back, his face is mostly shrouded in darkness. His silhouette is visible, but most striking are his eyes—his hypnotic, jewel-like, green eyes… Oh how I want to swim in them. And all that jealousy moments earlier simply vanishes, because it doesn't matter where he was or where he will be. What matters is he's here now… with me.

"I need you, Logan," he whispers to me. I nod obligingly.

"You can't sleep in my bed through the night, though," I announce.

I'm surprise at my own words. I didn't think I had the willpower to deny him. But I'm glad to do, because I still don't know exactly what Kendall and I are doing. Yes, I need his touch, but I don't need the confusion. It's better if we leave it strictly sexual, as terrible as that sounds.

He looks confused for a moment, but then nods to respectfully agree with my wish.

As soon as he complies, I intertwine my fingers behind his neck and pull him down. I yearn for him. He brushes his mouth against mine, teasing me. He gives me an open-mouth kiss. It's one of those long, drawn out kisses. He isn't in any hurry. It's slow, passionate and insanely hot. He takes his time and diligently explores my lips, my mouth, and finally my tongue.

He tastes as delicious as he smells.

He rolls on top of me, mounting me and pressing his member into mine—I feel the fullness of it and the warmth it's radiating.

Our mouths continue to dance and marry in a sensuous way, until Kendall decides to roam his mouth over my body. He starts at my neck. He sucks and nips at my skin, then darts out his tongue and trails it from my neck to my chest. I slip out a gasp and arch my back when his tongue finds my nipple.

His tongue continues moving down south. He traces my abdomen and circles my navel, dipping his tongue into it quickly a few times. A few moans escape my mouth, but I quickly reduce them to just whimpers.

Kendall stops and looks up at me. I look at him with sex-crazed eyes and he smiles, taking this as permission to continue. Only I'm not giving him permission, I'm _demanding_ that he continues. I need nothing more than him right now.

His tongue finds its way back to the same spot he left off. He continues moving it down to places he has yet to touch. He gently bites at my pelvis, as he gingerly pulls my boxers off. He's doing it agonizingly slowly—all the while my erection grows.

The head of my member peaks out from the waistband and I see that I have pre-cum leaking out like crazy. Kendall smiles at the sight and flicks his tongue against the slit. I bite my lower lip to suppress the howl that I'm about to emit.

He lifts my legs to peel the boxers off of me. I'm exposed and vulnerable, yet I feel perfectly safe in Kendall's hands. He plants a soft kiss on the tip of my dick. I twitch because it's so unexpected. It's both sexy and sweet at the same time. Kendall then hovers over me again and this time plants a kiss on my mouth. He forces his tongue into me and we swirl our tongues in unison. I can taste my own pre-cum mingling in our mouths. It's surprisingly hot.

I feel an urge to view him naked so I skim my hands down both sides of his torso. When I'm at the waistband of his boxers, I tug on them and continue pulling them south. I feel his erection spring out and slap against me. I look down at it, and marvel at its beauty and size. I still cannot believe that it was inside of me before.

I toss his boxer aside and begin moving my hands back up. I glide them over his ass and I cup them, forcing him to collide against me even tighter, as he continues to wrestle his tongue against mine.

"I want to be inside of you," Kendall pants.

I do want to feel him inside of me, but I'm also worried.

"Kendall, I don't think I can keep from screaming," I confess softly.

"You'll have to, Logie, unless you want our friends and family to hear us."

I nod, but I know my eyes hold zero confidence. Once Kendall begins moving, I'm not entirely sure I can contain myself.

"Ok," I breathe. My interlocking fingers tighten around his neck. I bite my lower lip and brace myself, because I know it will be a challenge to keep from screaming.

He enters me—slowly. It's a prolonged movement. It isn't rushed, and he clearly is savoring every second of it. _I'm_ savoring every second of it. The fact that we have to remain quiet makes it all the more thrilling and arousing. My body adjusts and absorbs his deliciously long member, until he fills me completely. I arch my back and bite my lower to prevent myself from screaming.

Then he slides himself out, only to push himself back in—this time a dial faster. My stomach contracts in response. In and out, in and out, he continues in that blissful rhythm, moving a dial faster each time. We work up to a gradual speed, and then we really get moving.

I want to scream. I want to cry out in agonizing pleasure and let all of the Palm Woods know the ecstasy I'm experiencing. But I don't. I store all my pleasure within myself as he continues to slam into me. It's maddening. His thrusts not only quicken, but also deepen. I feel and hear the slap of his balls against my skin.

I continue to fight the urge to howl, and the sensation multiplies and grows inside of me. It's all-consuming and saps all of my strength, but more significantly, all of my good judgment, because I accidently release a loud cry. Kendall is quick to cover my mouth and stops mid-thrust. His eyes instinctively dart to our bedroom door. Everything in me stops; my heart, my breathing. After a few seconds of hearing nothing but silence, he uncovers my mouth, kisses me deeply and resumes fucking me. It's so hot…

I feel every thrust he delivers. They only grow in intensity, too. Every time he slides out of me, my body immediately begs for more of him, and he complies. He gives me what I want: him. I wrap my hands his back and pull him in deeper, allowing him to bury his face against my neck as he sends us to our peak.

I sense that I'm nearing the finish line. I'm almost at my climax. I feel the sensation trying to break out of me. I try to sustain it, but it overpowers me. It courses through my body at full speed. My body throbs and twitches and I erupt like a violent geyser until I'm satisfied.

My skin tingles and I lay panting, waiting for my senses to return. When my ears are alert again, I hear Kendall whisper into my ear.

"I'm going to come," he announces. And I feel him thrust deeply one last time as he lets out a deep groan.

He explodes into me and it fills me completely with its warmth. He makes a few more small movements into me—probably in attempt to milk all of himself out into me—before he pulls out.

He gazes at me with glimmering eyes. I can't quite fully read his expression, but I see how sincere and warm his eyes are. He springs a kiss on my mouth. It's deep, heavy and prolonged.

Both of us fall on our backs and let out sighs almost at the exact same time. We chuckle quietly and turn to our sides so we're facing each other. I smile at him and he returns a dazzling smile. I let the exhaustion wash over me, and my eyelids begin to close. I resist fighting them. I'm in such bliss; nothing could be closer to heaven than drifting into slumber now. Last image I see is Kendall's face, illuminated by the pale moon…

It's like no time passes at all when I feel warmth on my eyelids. I suspect the sun is up. Morning sure came around awfully fast.

My eyes barely open. They're blurry and unfocused. The image in front of me sharpens and I realize it is Kendall. I forgot that he slept in my bed last night. Oh well, so much for telling him otherwise. But I can't help but smile when I see how boyish he looks asleep. It reminds me of when we used to sleep over at each other's place; he's that boy again.

I want to reach out and touch him. Somehow I don't believe this is real. I don't believe that the same boy who used to convince me to climb trees with him, the same boy who used to defend me from bullies on the playground, the same boy who used to invite me to stay over at his place when my parents were fighting, is really lying in my bed with me this intimately.

I reluctantly stretch out a finger and caress his skin. It's smoother than I expected. I trace the lines of his face. Even though he's grown so tall, he's still somehow handsomely boyish.

I get to his lips, and I study them as I trace them. He sudden wakes and his eyes focus on me. He sees what I'm doing, and I freeze, leaving my finger in its place. Does he think I'm some sort of creep? I relax when I see him smile. I can't help but smile too—it's infectious.

He kisses my curious finger and begins to lightly suck on it. The sensation is miniscule compared to the sensations I felt last night, but it's still completely arousing.

His left hand skims my side and he wraps it around my waist, pulling me in. I feel our morning wood meet.

I want more. I want him. But our heated moment is cut short.

"Rise and shine, boys," we hear Mama Knight approaching our door.

"Shit! Your mom!" I shriek.

By instinct, I literally kick poor Kendall out of my bed. His naked body hits the floor and makes a loud thud.

"Fuck!" Kendall curses.

"I'm sorry!" I immediately shout.

We hear the doorknob turn, and Kendall springs to his feet, leaps for his bed, and throws the covers over him just as Mama Knight opens the door.

"Time for breakfast, boys," she smiles.

I return a smile, but say nothing. My heart is still beating frantically from the close call. Kendall simply nods.

Mama Knight begins to leave, but then stops and turns around. She briefly studies the two of us, before she narrows her eyes at Kendall. Oh, shit…

"Kendall, what were you doing last night?"

My heart stops.

Kendall quickly glances at me. I freeze up. If he's looking to me to get us out of this one, he is mistaken, because I am absolutely and completely caught off guard by the question. I have no clever lie to offer. Not like I'm any good at lying to be of any use to begin with. He's going to need a clever explanation, that's for sure.

"Uhh, what do you mean, mom?" Kendall laughs nervously—and clearly stalling.

"Don't lie to me, Kendall," she says in a stern voice. "Or maybe I should ask Logan," she continues, directing her gaze on me now.

My eyes immediately widen and I freeze up again. Fuck! Why me? I'm a terrible liar!

I clear my throat.

"I'm not sure of your meaning either, Mama Knight," I smile ruefully.

"Don't take me for a fool, boys. I heard those noises last night," she says looking back and forth at us.

I can feel my entire face turn beet red. I warned Kendall that I wouldn't be able to contain myself!

"Okay, mom! We can explain!" Kendall shouts.

"Well you better, young man, because I don't want my teenage son staying out so late do who knows what with his girlfriend."

My breathing returns. She's talking about Jo. I let out a long awaited sigh. I sense Kendall has relaxed, as well.

"Oh," Kendall practically sighs from relief.

"That's all you have to say for yourself? 'Oh'? You're Katie's big brother; you have to set an example. And Logan, I know you're just trying to be a good friend, but you shouldn't cover up for Kendall when he's broken a rule. Are we clear, guys?" Mama Knight asks authoritatively.

"Yes, Mrs. Knight."

"Yes, mom."

I'm just thankful she doesn't know the truth.

"Alright, good. Well, that's my obligatory good-parenting talk for the day," Mama Knight smiles proudly. "You boys get ready and come join us for breakfast," she adds before closing the door.

Kendall and I look at each other; both of us equally amazed of how we managed to dodge that bullet.

"That was close," I say.

"Way too close."

I grab my boxers and put them on under the sheets. My modesty is probably unnecessary since Kendall knows me inside out—literally—but this is still new territory for me. I look over and see Kendall is quite the opposite—he doesn't have much modesty, if any. He stands up from his bed completely nude. Does he not realize that his mom just burst through our door moments earlier? I can't help but blush for whatever reason. Maybe it's his exhibition that's so sexually intimidating.

Then upon further examination, I notice there's more.

"Um, Kendall. You're still… hard," I tell him, blushing a deeper shade of red.

He looks down at himself.

"Huh, I didn't even notice," he shrugs casually.

He glides over to the edge of my bed, where I'm seated.

"Kendall… what are you doing?" I question.

"Want to take care of it for me?" He arches a brow. God, he's so fucking hot.

"Are you insane? What if someone else walks in on us?" I remind him. Clearly, I have to be the one who thinks with his brain instead of his dick.

"Please, Logie…" he whines. Why, oh, why does he have to be so cute? And the fact that he insists on calling me 'Logie' a lot lately really isn't fair.

I gaze up at his tall frame then back down at his proportionally long equipment. It's right there. It's in front of me, inviting me to taste it. I lick my lips, and I'm just about to wrap my lips around it when—

"Hey, hurry up, you two!" We hear James' voice yelling, as he pounds on the other side of door. My heart leaps. "I'm tired of waiting!"

"Alright, James! We'll be right there!" Kendall yells back, clearly annoyed.

"Okay, clearly the universe is telling us something," I comment drily. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. "Let's go," I say to Kendall.

"Damn," Kendall mutters in defeat, before putting on some clothes. I do the same and we head out to join our friends.

I glance at Kendall's crotch and see that his bulge has not gone away.


	3. Drowning

**A/N: I apologize that I didn't post last weekend, but I'm back with a new chapter. Hopefully it's worth the wait! I have already started writing the next chapter, so I should have another new chapter by next weekend. **

**I debated about the title for this chapter, and eventually I went with my original title choice which was "Drowning". I wanted to convey how Logan is slowly drowning and sinking deeper into his illicit affair with Kendall. There will be consequences, as there always are in affairs of the heart. **

**Please read and review! Without further ado, I give you "Drowning".**

* * *

I walk ahead of Kendall in attempt to help cover his boner. We seat ourselves at the last two open chairs. I see that James has already started eating. I guess he really was tired of waiting for us after all.

Kendall shifts awkwardly in his chair, while adjusting his pants. I'm doing everything in my power not to laugh.

"Took you guys long enough," Katie teases. I stick out my tongue, but she simply smiles.

I like Katie. I like how unaffected she is by Hollywood. She's a pre-teen girl surrounded by materialism, superficiality, and star struck dreams, yet she still maintains a good head on her shoulders, not just for her age, but even compared to people twice her age.

"Help yourself, boys," Mama Knight insists, motioning towards the huge array of food spread out on the table.

There are stacks of pancakes covered in butter that has now melted over the sides; French toast doused with warm cinnamon; scrambled eggs with cheese, green onions and diced tomatoes; sizzling bacon and crispy hash browns on the side; large waffles with blueberry bits; and—Kendall's favorite—warm cinnamon rolls dripping with delicious glaze.

It all smells so delicious and aromatic, but I spot some wheat toast and help myself to a few slices of that first, then stab my fork into a helping of French toast. Kendall grabs a cinnamon roll and begins to pick at it absentmindedly.

"What's with the smorgasbord, mom?" Katie inquires.

"The wha—?" Carlos asks Katie through a mouth full of food.

"Smorgasbord," I interject. "It's a Swedish word. It's a type of Scandinavian buffet, I believe, but it's commonly used in American vernacular to illustrate absurd amounts of food being served," I ramble to no one in particular.

The utensils cease to cut, stab, and hack away at the food on everyone's plate—and the table falls silent.

I realize everyone is staring at me.

Carlos looks dumbfounded, James looks bored, Katie looks inquisitive, Mama Knight looks impressed, and Kendall looks… horny?

Predictably, I blush red and clear my throat. I continue eating to keep myself from droning on about more useless nerd facts that no one cares to know.

The chatter resumes and so does the eating.

Kendall leans close to me and whispers, "You're so hot when you blush."

There's an edge to his voice that I know all too well now…

I involuntarily blush again when he says this. I hear him chuckle quietly to himself.

Then I feel a hand overlapping mine. My eyes dart down and I see Kendall grab my hand and place it into his lap. Oh no…

Instinctively, I begin stuffing my mouth. For whatever reason, I think that by eating, no one else at the table will catch on to what Kendall's about to do.

He places my hand on his crotch and uses his own hand to guide mine. He moves it up and down, but cautiously and slowly. I realize that from the elbow up, it looks as though his arm is not moving at all. He expertly moves just enough of his forearm and wrist so that what's happening below the table isn't visible to anyone else.

I feel him growing under my palm.

My face turns scarlet and I can't seem to control it. Everyone else is chatting, but I can't hear anything. I'm too inside my own head. The anxiety and fear of our friends finding out has me petrified and deaf.

I feel Kendall using my hand to trace the outline of his erection. He spreads his legs further apart and glides my hand over his inner thighs and cups his balls.

"Logan, are you okay?" James asks suspiciously.

"What?" I say slightly befuddled.

"Your face is all red," he points out. Everyone is staring at me again. Shit.

"I, uh…" Why am I always so speechless when put on the spot?

"Must be the cinnamon, right, Logie?" Kendall jumps in. He has a smug grin plastered on his face.

"Uh, right. The cinnamon, of course. Must be a, uh, slight allergic reaction," I stammer.

"Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry! I didn't recall you being allergic to cinnamon," Mama Knight apologizes, even though it's really not her fault or the cinnamon's.

"I'll be fine, Mrs. Knight," I reassure.

I take a huge gulp of orange juice to try and cool down. It's futile, because Kendall shoves my hand down his pants. I spit the remaining juice left in my mouth back into my glass.

"Dude, are you okay?" Carlos asks when I begin coughing.

"Fine. Just fine," I wheeze.

"Honey, are you sure you're okay? Maybe it's the food allergy. Let me take you to the doctor," Mama Knight insists and is just about to get up from her chair.

"No! I'm fine. Please, Mrs. Knight, just sit and enjoy your breakfast," I plead since my hand is still down Kendall's pants.

Everyone eyes me suspiciously or curiously, but eventually they let it drop and continue eating once again.

I sigh quietly and give Kendall a dirty glare. He still has that smug look.

He takes my hand and swipes it over the head of his member, and I can feel the pre-cum oozing out of him.

I try to quickly draw the attention elsewhere.

"So Mrs. Knight, you never told us why you made all of this food? Not that we're not grateful or anything," I clarify.

"Well, you know how us moms are," she chuckles. "We believe that a good breakfast starts the day off right!"

"In other words, you realized that the food was about to expire so you decided to whip everything up all at once, didn't you, mom?" Katie surmises.

"Alright, fine! But it's the thought that counts!" Mama Knight sums in defeat. Katie is just too smart for her own good sometimes.

"Well, I for one love the way you think, Mrs. Knight!" James chimes in, stabbing his forking into another short stack of pancakes.

"Me too!" Carlos croons as he drenches his blueberry waffles in maple syrup.

"Why thank you, boys," Mama Knight gushes. It's funny how a little gratitude and appreciation goes a long way for a mom. "Kendall, what's wrong? You barely touched your food."

_That's because he's too busy making me touch him_, I think to myself.

"Oh." Kendall looks down at his plate as if he's just now realizing this, too. "Sorry, mom. I'm just tired I guess."

"Late night with Jo?" James probes.

I get the irrational urge to tell James, _No! He was with me!_ But I get ahold of my better judgment and keep quiet. I worry that I'm starting to become petty and unreasonably jealous.

"Ahem, James, I don't want you boys talking like that at the table please," Mama Knight declares.

"Sorry, Mrs. Knight," James apologizes, while taking a sip of his orange juice.

"Actually speaking of Jo… Logan, she was wondering if you and Camille wanted to hang out with us tonight," Kendall says to me in front of everyone.

I gag mid bite. _Can I eat without making myself look like a complete fool?_ I wonder. It's just that I don't expect this at all. It's much too strange for all four of us to be together, given the circumstance.

"Like a double date?" I ask.

"Um, I suppose so. Yeah, a double date," Kendall nods.

Suddenly I feel everyone's eyes on me. I'm probably just being paranoid, but I feel as though they all know my shameful affair with Kendall.

"Uh, I'm not sure if that's such a good idea," I begin.

"Aw, why not, Logan? I think that's a great idea!" Mama Knight expresses. "You guys can keep an eye out for each other, especially after you coming home so late last night, mister," she wags her finger disapprovingly at Kendall.

"Well, you see, it's just, um, I don't know if Camille would be opposed to that," I lie.

"What are you talking about?" Carlos scoffs. "Camille suggests the four of you double dating all the time!" Carlos reminds everyone. Apparently no one plans to make this any easier for me.

"Right," I plaster a fake smile in defeat. I yank my hand out of Kendall's pants and angrily slap his balls.

"Unf!" Kendall groans in agony. He cradles his assaulted balls as his face is colored in pain.

"Sweetie! Are you okay? What happened?" Mama Knight asks.

"Must be the cinnamon, right, Kendall?" I answer mockingly for him. I give him a devilish smile.

After the longest and most awkward breakfast ever, we all offer to clean up. I volunteer myself to do the dishes. As I wash the dishes, I'm still internally fuming over Kendall's decision to put me on spot in front of everyone. Couldn't he have waited until breakfast was over to ask me?

"Still the long face, sourpuss?" I hear his voice tease from behind.

He moves so he's inches from right side. The close proximity has me both excited and nervous. Is he really that confident that no one will catch on to our odd behavior? But even through his newly found arrogance, I can't help but find him irresistible.

"I can't believe you put me on the spot like that," I speak in a low voice through gritted teeth.

I keep my eyes focused down in the sink and only make eye contact with Kendall when necessary.

Kendall hands me a few more dirty dishes and he deliberately holds my hand under the warm running water. It's gentle and affectionate. I can't help but look at him. When I do I see his green eyes twinkle and they convey adoration.

Why does he do this? One moment he seems irresponsibly unfaithful to Jo and next moment he's beautifully romantic to me. I'm conflicted with this new Kendall; it's not the Kendall I grew up with.

"I didn't mean to, Logan. I really didn't."

I believe him.

Kendall grabs a hand towel and begins towel-drying the dishes I've washed to make it look less suspicious that we're standing so close to each other.

"Well, okay then, why would you think I would so easily say yes? Has my avoiding you and Jo not been indication enough that I'm still too uncomfortable being around you guys?" I rant.

"I just figured it would be a good opportunity to make this less awkward for everyone, particularly you. Maybe if we all hang out then everyone will stop wondering why you've been avoiding them. I mean, honestly, when was the last time you even saw Camille?" Kendall challenges.

"Hey, I saw her… yesterday!" I defend.

"Hiding behind a plant wearing a tree hat doesn't count," Kendall retorts.

I don't have a response, because he's absolutely right. I have been avoiding Camille when she's done nothing wrong.

"Well, we can't all live a double life like you, Kendall," I attack. I can tell this hurts him because his expression changes for a split second, but he composes his face again, before he narrows his eyes at me.

"You think I enjoy this."

It doesn't come out as a question. He's accusing me of thinking he's unsympathetic and callous about the affair. And if I am being honest, I sort of am…

"Well, don't you?" I ask accusingly.

"I don't enjoy lying to Jo," he states. I believe this, too. "But I enjoy being with you," he adds in a softer tone.

This takes me by surprise. It's just different thinking it and actually hearing him say the words.

I don't know exactly how to respond. Should I even respond? It wasn't exactly a question.

"I enjoy being with you, too," I finally say. He smiles warmly at me.

_You're heading down a dangerous road_, I remind myself.

"Then come with us tonight," Kendall pleads. His tone is almost childlike.

"Kendall, I just don't know if I can live with myself being so two-face. What we're doing is already… wrong," I confess.

"What's wrong?" Mama Knight appears behind us. My heart skips a beat.

"Oh, just the way I'm stacking the dishes. Logan corrected me, though," Kendall lies. He's been getting awfully good at lying on the spot, which makes me feel uneasy.

"Aw, good for you, Logan," Mama Knight cheers and pats me on my back, before walking off.

"See? This is what I mean. Lie after lie. I don't think I can bear this anymore," I say.

"So what do you propose us to do? Tell everyone?" Kendall refutes.

I realize that I don't have a clear answer.

"We can't keep going on like this though," I settle on saying.

"When you said what we're doing is 'wrong'… did you mean wrong in the sense of doing it with me?" he asks.

"No, of course not… Is that what you think? I'm not ashamed of you Kendall, just my poor judgment. I meant wrong in the sense that we're hurting Jo and Camille."

His face relaxes when my answer satiates his concern. How could I be ashamed of him? He's beautiful. One should be as lucky knowing Kendall so intimately.

"You don't know how conflicted I am, Logan," Kendall says.

His voice chokes up a bit. Somehow that steely façade he's been wearing seems to disappear.

I can't help but look at him now.

"What are we going to do now?" I ask.

There's silence. Neither one of us has a clue. We've never been in a situation like this before. We're in too deep. We're drowning—fast.

"Jo kept trying to convince me to get us four together. I made a bunch of excuses, but she insisted. Eventually I just told her I would ask you, so I could finally go home," Kendall laughs without humor.

"That's why you were out so late last night?" my curiosity blurts out.

"Yeah. Why else would did you think I would be out so late?" Kendall asks. He genuinely has no idea what I feared last night when he wasn't in bed. I don't respond. I just shake my head. "Just go with us tonight," Kendall pleads once more.

"You really are persistent," I smile.

"I just know if you don't go, I'll miss you the entire time."

The words hit me. I try to keep my face composed, but I'm pathetically touched by his tenderness. I've never seen him this vulnerable and desperate. It's another side of him I'm not used to, but I find I rather like.

"Fine! Okay, I'll go on the stupid date, but if anything goes wrong, I'm personally blaming you!"

His eyes light up like a kid on Christmas morning.

"I'm okay with that," Kendall replies with an edge to his tone.

His eyes turn hungry. What exactly is he trying to imply? I shake the thought away, because it's a dangerous road I'm going down.

I stare down at the running water, which has started to flood the sink, and I definitely think I'm drowning in this affair…

It's 8:15 PM and I can't seem to stop fidgeting. I begin to wonder if agreeing to this date was a mistake. Even when I called Camille earlier this afternoon to tell her about the double date, I didn't sound as enthusiastic as I had rehearsed. I'm worried that tonight my face will give away my guilt and secret.

_We're just hanging out_, I remind myself repeatedly.

Kendall comes into our bedroom. He notices me fidgeting and frowns. He walks over to me and takes my hands into his own. My body is suddenly soothed by his touch.

"You okay?" he asks concerned.

"The truth?"

"Of course," he nods.

"Then no. Tell me we aren't setting ourselves up for disaster."

"Shh, don't think like that," he pacifies me.

Then he leans in and kisses me softly. It takes my breath away. He pulls back and smiles. I'm mesmerized by his green eyes again. I feel him stroke a finger against my face.

"Thanks," I breathe.

"For what?"

"For kissing me. I needed that," I admit.

Kendall pulls me in by the chin and plants a feather-light kiss on my lips. His lips are so warm and soft, and I feel as though my legs have turned to Jell-O.

His hand is supporting my lower back and he pulls my body in. Our bodies are pressed against each other. It's what I need—the closeness with Kendall. But it feels somehow inappropriate since we're meeting our respective girlfriends in a matter of moments.

"Shall we?" Kendall smiles. His eyes project a much needed reassurance into mine.

I trust him. Even though it seems foolish, I trust his judgment because in truth here lately I'm unsure of mine.

We leave the apartment and as I head to the elevator, I see that Kendall begins walking in the other direction.

"Elevator is this way," I remind him matter-of-factly.

"Oh, go ahead. I'll meet in you in the lobby. I still have to go get Jo."

Of course; how stupid of me. _He's on a date with Jo, not you_, my rational half reminds.

"Right," I simply reply.

He looks at me with apologetic eyes. What he may be apologizing for, I do not know. I'm not the one he should be apologizing to anyway.

"Are you sure you want to still do this?" He asks in a somber tone.

Somehow I get the impression he isn't referring to the date this time. I have a feeling he's talking about us—our affair. I pretend like I'm oblivious to his actual meaning and lie.

"Yeah, of course. Who knows, it might turn out to be fun," I smile falsely.

Kendall smiles upon hearing my enthusiasm, even though I know it's insincere. My lie is successful. I find that I'm getting better at lying, which doesn't sit well with me.

"What about Camille? Are you going to get her?"

"She told me she's running behind so she'll meet us in the lobby, too."

"Okay, I'll see you in a bit." His tone seems sad again.

He walks in the opposite direction and I feel sad, too. It's not healthy, but I miss him already.

I sit in an empty chair when I get to the lobby and wait for everyone to show up. I laugh sardonically at the irony. I'm the first one here—and the one that feels least comfortable being here.

A few minutes pass before Kendall and Jo show up. Jo is by Kendall's side and a pang of jealousy hits me. I'm foolish for feeling this way. I smile at her and she returns a sheepish smile. It's an awkward exchange on both our parts.

"Still waiting on Camille?" Kendall asks.

"Yeah, looks like it," I shrug as I smile nervously and hang my head lower than usual.

I glance up at the attractive couple before me. I know I'll only regret taking the mental snapshot, but it's almost impossible not to give into the curiosity.

Jo's wearing a floral blouse with skinny jeans, paired with metallic flats. Her hair falls in long, blonde, and loose curls. She looks like she belongs in some glossy shampoo commercial—and she might very well have been in one, for all I know. She looks understated, but still absolutely lovely. My ego takes another hit.

I look at Kendall standing tall and looking devastatingly handsome. Earlier up at the apartment, I didn't even take notice of what he's wearing, probably on account of my anxiety about the date tonight. But now I see that he's wearing a forest green plaid shirt with hints of yellow running through the pattern. The color combo brings out his already striking eyes. They're hypnotic, to say the least. He's wearing dark denim that looks like it was tailored specifically for his body.

I tell myself I shouldn't look at him for too long. First off, I don't want to make it blatantly obvious that I'm drooling over him, and secondly—and more crucially—and I don't want to fall for him any more than I have already.

It stings knowing that Jo's his date tonight, when that could be me. But then I remind myself that I've done an awful thing behind Jo's back, so I have no right to think so selfishly.

"Oh, Kendall, I left my jacket in my apartment. Do you mind getting it?"

"Not at all. I'll go get it while you guys wait for Camille."

Kendall runs off towards the elevator. It's just Jo and I. We both realize that the two of us have nothing in common. I try to rack my brain for something relevant to say, but I can't think of anything. The only thing we have in common is Kendall—and I'm not that dumb to lead into that topic.

I can tell Jo is struggling with the same problem—she doesn't know what to say to me. She's only friends with me because I'm Kendall's best friend, and I'm linked to her because she's Camille's best friend. We truly have nothing of value to say to one another. Both of us now know this with absolute certainty.

We just stand there and pray that either Camille or Kendall will show up any second, so we can be spared the torture of having to endure another moment of this awkward silence.

Luckily, Camille appears and we let out sighs of relief.

"Hey, sorry I'm late. Where's Kendall?" Camille inquires.

"He went upstairs to grab my jacket," Jo informs.

"Ok. Well, I'm ready when you guys are," Camille enthuses.

Kendall returns shortly with Jo's jacket. He drapes it around her and she gives him an appreciative kiss on his cheek. I immediately look away before another surge of jealous hits me. When I look back up, everyone looks at me. Camille is oblivious, Jo seems suspicious, Kendall is unreadable, and I'm panicked.

"Well, we should get going," Kendall enthuses.

The girls walk ahead and giggle over something. Suddenly, I feel Kendall place his hand on my lower back. His eyes remain focused forward, but his touch says it all. I want him as badly as he wants.

But for now, Kendall and I head to our abstruse double date.


	4. Strike!

**A/N: Since the world didn't end today, I thought I'd celebrate by posting a new chapter of "BTA"! ;)**

**This was a fun chapter to write, mainly because I love taking the characters out of confines of the Palm Woods—it somehow makes them feel like fully realized people. At this point, I honestly don't know how long this story will be, but it will most likely be a lot shorter than "Big Time Love Story", for those of you that have asked or wondered. When I write, I try to let it be an organic thing. I outline what I want to happen and I usually write the ending and beginning first, but everything in between can change during the writing process.**

**This chapter was inspired by:**

**"Just Like Heaven" by The Cure**

**"How Soon Is Now?" by The Smiths**

**I imagined "Just Like Heaven" playing during their double date, because it's a very fun feel-good song, and a song I can definitely hear playing in a bowling alley. And I chose "How Soon Is Now?" because first off, it's a fantastic rock song, and secondly, I love the lyric, "I am human and I need to be loved…". I think it's very suitable for what Logan's feeling.**

**Anyway, please read & review, but more importantly, enjoy!**

* * *

Our double date is apparently at a bowling alley. Not what I was expecting at all. When we get inside, we are immediately greeted by a wall of smoke. Everywhere you turn there's someone either taking a drag from their cigarette or holding one. The place reeks, not just of smoke, but also cheap booze. I decide that Jo must have suggested bowling for our double date, because of all the years I've known Kendall, I can count the number of times we've gone bowling on just one hand. Maybe that's because he's not particularly the best bowler either.

The four of us go rent bowling shoes and are assigned to lane 8. We sit down and lace up our shoes. I look at the beat condition my pair has endured; even the stitching has begun to unravel around the heel. The shoes have a faint odor of sweaty feet. I hold my breath as I put them on.

I hear Jo and Camille debating about something, but I tune everyone out. I'm inside my head again. Then I vaguely hear someone calling my name.

"Logan!" I think the voice belongs to Camille.

"Huh?" I reply, slightly shaking my head back to reality.

"Logan, you don't mind playing on Kendall's team, right?" Camille asks.

"What? I don't play for Kendall's team!" I shriek.

Everyone looks at me.

"What are you talking about, Logan?" Camille questions. "We're deciding on teams. Couples or boys versus girls?"

I'm absolutely mortified. I'm getting awfully good at making a fool of myself lately.

"Uh, doesn't matter," I smile sheepishly.

"What do you think, Jo? We can take these boys on, right?" Camille says with a confident smirk.

"Of course!" Jo responds.

"Alright, then it's settled. Jo's on my team, and Logan you're with Kendall," Camille announces as she types in our names.

It's a little disarming hearing Camille say I'm "with Kendall". Kendall and I exchange a look. I wonder what he's thinking.

"Are you boys ready to get your butts kick?" Camille challenges playfully.

I look at her and see what a beautiful girl she is. Her hair is also in loose curls, much like Jo's, but her hair is a strikingly beautiful brunette. Her dark hair is contrasted by her creamy pale skin. She's wearing red lip stick that enhances her complexion and hair. She looks like Snow White come-to-life mixed with a classic Hollywood beauty, especially with that beauty mark she has above her mouth.

I smile at her and nod, accepting her challenge.

"Are you ready to kick some butt, partner?" Kendall asks mockingly, arching a brow. Damn, he's so irresistible without trying.

"Just make sure you can keep up," I tease.

"Oh, I think I've proven I can keep up with you _just_ fine…" he flirts back. He's so fucking hot…

I'm render speechless. I direct my attention back to the girls, because if I look at him any longer, I may not have the power to control myself from jumping his bones.

"Ok, looks like I'm up first," Jo declares and she finds an 8 lbs. ball. She glides over to Kendall and says, "Wish me luck."

"Good luck," Kendall tells her, before he plants a kiss on her cheek.

I flinch in my seat. I have to turn away, because I'm no longer confident that I can mask the hurt on my face. I don't even pay attention to see how many pins Jo knocks over.

"What's wrong?" Kendall asks. I guess I couldn't control my emotions as well as I'd hoped.

"Nothing," I say flatly.

"Why are you trying to make this weird?" he asks when he senses I'm not being upfront about my feelings.

"How are you _not_ seeing that this is weird?" I shoot back.

"It is a little bit," he confesses. Finally!

"That's probably the most rational response I've heard from you in weeks. I was beginning to think that the Kendall I knew was replaced by some emotionless cyborg or a body-snatching alien," I quip.

"You think I'm emotionless?"

He looks hurt. I instantly want to retract my statement and comfort him.

"No, of course not. I'm sorry I said that," I pacify. "I just feel like we shouldn't be parading around together in front of Camille and Jo. What we're doing is already bad enough."

"I know. You're absolutely right. I just want things to be… normal again, I guess," Kendall states.

"As much as I want that, too, I honestly don't think things will ever be 'normal' again…"

"Why wouldn't things be normal again?"

I shake my head hoping he'll drop the subject, but he doesn't.

"Logan, tell me, please."

"Can we just play the game?" I request.

"Are you guys strategizing over there?" Jo jokingly asks. She and Camille give us suspicious looks.

"Yeah, you know us, always cooking up a plan!" I chuckle nervously.

"Well, Logan, you're up," Camille enthuses.

I stand up, only to realize I'm weak at the knees. Kendall has a stronger effect on me than I realized. I straighten myself and grab a 15 lbs. ball but immediately decide it's much too heavy. I opt for a 13 lbs. ball and decide it is good enough.

I hold the ball upright and walk up to the lane. I take a deep breath and exhale. I briefly close my eyes and think of everything that has been bottled inside of me for the past few weeks; the affair, the guilt, the lust, the anger, the embarrassment, the fear, the anxiety, the passion, Camille, Jo, and Kendall… _everything_. Then I imagine the ball flying perfectly straight towards the center pin.

The ball flies naturally out of my hand and begins rolling straight forward at an incredible speed. The ball impacts first with the center pin and crashes into the other pins like dominoes until none of them are left standing. A strike!

I turn around, shocked but feeling triumphant. Everyone cheers for me as I run back excitedly. Kendall opens his arms and I jump into him. He hugs me tightly and I feel his hard body against mine. I breathe in his intoxicating scent. It transforms me into a wild animal. I want him. I want him _now_.

He pulls back and I see that he has the biggest and warmest smile for me. I can't deny how much he means to me. I don't want to lose him…

I'm tempted to kiss him when Camille comes charging at me.

"Oh my god, good job, Logan!" she congratulates. "If I knew you'd get a strike, I'd have you on my team," she winks. She embraces me and kisses me hard on the cheek until there's a red print of her mouth stained on me. "Oh! I'm up next! Wish me luck!"

"Good luck, Camille," I tell her.

Then a wild urge overcomes me. I grab Camille, spin her around, and give her a deep kiss on the mouth. Her eyes widen in surprise, but soon her lids fall.

"Whoa… That's some good luck kiss," Camille breathes when I release her from my grasp.

I don't know why I did that. I don't know if it's because I needed some human contact because I couldn't get it from Kendall, or if I did it to make Kendall feel how I feel when he kisses Jo in front of me. Either way, I think I accomplished both, because I look over to see a hurt Kendall.

I'm not sure if I'm feeling smug, regretful or a little of both. What I do know is that I pictured Kendall when I was kissing Camille…

"Get a room you two!" Jo teases and starts laughing.

She expects Kendall to join in on the joke, but instead he's silent. Jo ceases laughing altogether. I look at Kendall, but he shifts his gaze elsewhere. He won't even look at me—now I'm hurt.

I take my seat. Kendall and I sit in silence. If only I could know what he's thinking.

We continue to play, and the girls are leading on account of Kendall being a terrible bowler. In truth, I'm not much better. I got lucky with the strike, but after that, I don't fare so well either. I manage to get a few spares, but that's about as good as it gets.

Maybe it's because the girls are more into the game than we are. They cheer each other on and give encouraging words even when the other girl has a bad turn. Kendall and I, on the other hand, continue to sit in silence on our side and only get up when it's our turn to bowl.

This double date was a bad idea. I hate to say _I told you so _to Kendall, but I really want to say _I told you so_. He still barely looks my way. He just keeps his eyes fixed on the game, but somehow I have a feeling he's not as invested in the game as he's trying to appear.

At a certain point, Jo takes Kendall's hand and tells him to sit with her. Camille takes this as a cue to come sit by me, as well. I see Kendall glancing at us. Could it be that he only finds me desirable because someone else wants me? That's just my luck.

I see Jo kiss Kendall on the mouth before she goes up and takes her turn, and I force my eyes to peel away from them.

"Everything okay, Logan?" Camille asks, clearly concerned. "You've been acting strange all night."

"Me? No, I'm fine. I just don't feel very well is all," I say.

"Aw, did you want to maybe call it a night? I can come with you if you want," Camille offers.

She truly is a sweet girl. A little eccentric and high maintenance at times, but essentially she's warm hearted. Any guy would be lucky to have her—any guy but me. I don't deserve her.

"No, no. I'll be fine. We're almost done anyway," I smile for her benefit. Just because I'm feeling uncomfortable with the double date, doesn't mean I have to be a raincloud on Camille's fun.

"Are you _sure_? We can always go back to my place…" Camille says suggestively as she leans in and traces my lips with her index finger.

"Hehe… You know, I think I'm feeling a little better, now that you mention it," I chuckle nervously.

"Don't be so shy, Logie…" she hums into my ears. It is strange hearing her call me by the same nickname Kendall uses.

"Oh, look! What do you know? It's my turn!" I laugh maniacally. I bolt out of my seat and grab the first bowling ball I see. Only I absentmindedly grab one that's too heavy for me and drop it right on my foot. "Fuuuuu—" I exclaim, but bite down on my lower lip, cutting myself off.

Everyone either gasps or gives me odd looks, including the people in the next lane that share our ball return.

"Logan! Are you alright?" Camille shrieks.

"Just fine! No worries! Everyone go back to your game," I laugh nervously to no one in particular.

I blush a deep shade of red. I see in the corner of my eye Kendall is laughing. Oh no… he enjoys when I make a fool of myself and especially when I blush. He enjoys it a little _too_ much…

I ignore it and grab a lighter ball and take my turn. I limp my way to the lane like an idiot. I must look like a joke to everyone. Great… As if the night wasn't already humiliating enough.

I throw the ball half-heartedly and knock down a measly two pins. I waddle back to the ball return on my good foot and I see that Kendall is still snickering and shaking his head at me. I should give him a dirty glare, but I can't help but smirk. It's also disarming seeing him genuinely smile for the first time tonight. I almost forgot how perfect his dimples are.

I wait and retrieve my ball and shuffle back to knock down another whopping two pins! At this rate, Kendall and I might as well just crown Jo and Camille the victors.

I scurry back to my seat and sit down, before I get another chance to embarrass myself.

Camille takes her turn, but asks me if I'm okay again. I assure her I'm fine. Honestly, I think my ego is more damaged than anything else. Jo cheers on Camille like she's been doing every turn.

Suddenly, I feel a warm hand on top of mine. I look down and then up to see Kendall. I didn't even notice him leave Jo's side to come sit next to me. His scent invades my senses. He looks at me with soft eyes that seem to dance in the hazy dim room. I see—and feel—nothing else but him in the moment.

"Are you sure you're alright?" he asks with much tenderness.

For a moment I actually forgot about the pain. I was too occupied staring into his eyes.

"Oh, right, my foot. Yeah, I think I'll live," I smile diminutively.

"What's happening to us?"

His tone sounds as if he's begging for a conclusive answer to some archaic question.

"What do you mean?"

"You're nervous around me," he states flatly. "I'm your best friend and you're nervous around me."

"I'm not nervous," I try to reassure. The irony is I chuckled nervously when I said that.

Kendall narrows his eyes at me. He knows me too well.

I feel his hand find mine again. He's warm. I want to feel his warmth again. I see Kendall gulp. I realize that his hands are slightly trembling. Is he just as nervous as I am? He's right. What's happening to us?

I miss the less complicated days. I miss being his best friend. I miss him being my best friend. I miss that label that suits us so easily. Now everything's a mess. As often as I dreamt of knowing Kendall's touch, I'm not sure it's worth it anymore. Maybe the sacrifice is much too great.

I feel a sting at my eye. I'm not sure if it's from the smoky air or if my emotions are getting the best of me. I decide that I have to remove myself from Kendall.

"I can't," I sigh, retracting my hand from his.

"What's wrong?" he whispers.

"This. Us." I almost choke on the second word. "Excuse me."

I stand up and quickly walk to the men's room. Well, as quickly as my injured foot allows me. Unfortunately, reality isn't much like what you see in movies or on TV; there aren't usually dramatic exits that have you leave looking sexy and strong. So I'll just have to settle for looking like silly and broken as I hobble off.

I crash my body into the door and run up to a mirror only to see that my eyes did indeed betray me. My face is damp. I turn on the faucet and splash my face with the cold water, in an effort to erase any traces of tears.

I look into the mirror and I see a hollow version of myself. I'm not sure I recognize myself anymore.

I turn when I hear the door open. Kendall stands there with eyes so haunting, that they can break through the most stone-cold heart.

"Please leave me alone, Kendall," I request as kindly as possible.

"No, Logan. Not until you tell me what's wrong."

He takes a few cautious steps closer to me.

"It's your turn to bowl. They'll be waiting for you," I remind, changing the subject.

"Then let them wait. Just please, Logan…"

He moves in even closer.

"Please, what?" I ask for clarification.

"Please tell me why you hate me so much."

There it is. Kendall has found a way to make me convert all my anger that I've held around him turn into forgiveness. Only Kendall has that kind of impact on me.

"You think I hate you? I could _never_ hate you, Kendall."

He's moved enough so that he's now in front of me.

"I could never hate you either, Logan. In fact, I think I'm—"

He cuts himself off. He's blushing and looking at his feet. What is it he's trying to tell me?

"You think you're what?"

"I think I'm falling for you..." he says in a low voice.

This isn't real. It can't be. Nothing about this makes any sense. I'm in a dirty bathroom in a smoky bowling alley and Kendall, my best friend since the 3rd grade, has just told me he loves me after we've been having an illicit affair behind our girlfriends' backs. Yes, I must be dreaming. All of this is a twisted dream that my mind concocted. Yet, it feels real enough…

"No! No, no, no! You can't be in love with me, Kendall!" I shout when I accept that this is no dream—or nightmare, depending on how you want to look at it.

"Why the hell not?"

"Because! You just can't, okay?" I shriek, flailing around desperately.

"What difference does it make?"

"A _huge_ difference! It changes everything. What we're doing is wrong, yes. But at least it's been strictly sexual. It is lust that we have for each other. And now you're telling me you love me?"

"Well that's how I feel," he states.

"It's just lust," I try to convince him.

He looks offended by how black-and-white I'm rationalizing it.

"It's not! Quit saying that!" He grabs the sides of my arms and comes down to my level. "Can you honestly look me in the eyes and say it's just been 'strictly sexual' for you?"

I look into his eyes, and I realize that he's right. It's not just lust on my part. There are deep-seated feelings there; there always have been. I've tried to suppress them, but now they're bursting out of me as I try to hopelessly contain them. And every day it just gets harder to do so.

I think tears have sprung up again and I hate myself for being such a fool to romance. How can I want someone who doesn't belong to me?

"What do you expect me to do?" I say through a hoarse voice. "Just leave all my morals behind and selfishly be with you?"

"I don't know. I just know I can't imagine being without you, Logan Mitchell," he tells me.

I look up at him. He's the most beautiful thing in my life. I realize that I can no longer deny myself of his touch.

I move in and kiss him hard. It's not smart, it's not rational. It's pure passion.

Our mouths collide like two stars bursting together in a mad and destructive collision, but yet it's still so wonderful that you are left mesmerized by the beautiful disaster.

My eyes close as I let the ecstasy wash over me entirely. Oh, how I've missed the taste of him. He makes me feel more alive than I ever dreamt possible.

His mouth moves passionately and urgently. I understand his urgency, because every time I kiss him, I fear it may be our last. It only makes every moment with him more exciting, more precious.

He pulls me tight against his body. I pull roughly at the hair on the nape of his neck. His lips are plump and soft. I feel them brushing against mine and I silently wonder if there is anything more perfect in existence.

He pulls back and our eyes open simultaneously.

"We really must have a fetish for bathrooms," Kendall chuckles, taking in our surrounding.

I now realize this strange coincidence, as well. We laugh and then I plant a light kiss on his lips.

We look into each other's eyes and I understand what Kendall means. It's not just lust. It's become something more. My conscience warned me that I've been heading down a dangerous road… But my passionate half wonders: Is it really so dangerous? I fear it may be, but I can't help it. I'm enraptured by Kendall.

I see it in movies. I read it in novels. I hear people talking about it all the time. But it's one thing hearing and seeing it, and a wholly different thing to experience it. I finally understand why everyone yearns for it.

I think I'm in love.


	5. Passion

**A/N: So last chapter left off with Kendall and Logan acknowledging their feelings for each other. Yay, Kogan! :P So now this chapter has them taking full advantage of new, first and young love. I titled this chapter "Passion" just because as I wrote the chapter, the word 'passion' kept popping up in my head. I think it's appropriate, because the way they kiss and touch is fuel by passion.**

**The songs that inspired this chapter:**

**"Don't Dream It's Over" by Crowded House**

**"Steal Your Heart" by Augustana**

**I chose "Don't Dream It's Over" because it's such a great 80s love song, but it's a timeless song that's still so relevant today. And I chose "Steal Your Heart", because I think the love affair Kendall and Logan have is a bit of a Catch-22. Logan has Kendall's heart, but only at the sacrifice of stealing his heart from Jo, more or less. There's an important line in this chapter when Logan refers to their love affair as a "tainted love story", because the reality of it is, affairs are never unadulterated love stories; they always end with someone getting their heart broken.**

**Anyway, please read and review. Share with me your thoughts on how you think this affair will end! Enjoy!**

* * *

We head back to the Palm Woods after the girls win the game by a landslide. Somehow, even though Kendall and I lost, I still feel victorious. I have Kendall after all. He's the best prize in my eyes. Now that I've admitted my feelings to Kendall and now that he's reciprocated them, a sense of relief washes over the doubts that were there before.

But it's bittersweet. Yes, I'm in love for the first time in my life, but I can't help but think of how undignified I am. After all, the person that holds my heart is still with someone else. The shadow of Jo cranes itself over me. It seems like her shadow keeps growing and lurks over me… or maybe that's just my guilt. Either way, my happiness doesn't feel fulfilling, because in the back of my mind, I'll always know what Kendall and I have is a tainted love story.

The thought saddens me.

"I'm going to walk Jo to her apartment," Kendall tells me, when the elevator door opens to the third floor.

This is what I mean. The guy tells me he loves me, but he still has to play the good boyfriend. His heart may want to be with me, but somehow it's not enough. I want the ridiculous, can't-live-without-you, consuming love. I want all of him for myself. I watch as the guy I've given my heart to holds hands with someone other than me.

"Will you walk me to my place?" Camille asks with pleading eyes.

Something about her expression fears that I may reject her request. My heart aches a little more at the thought of hurting Camille.

"Of course," I smile as I take her hand. Her face brightens immediately.

We arrive at her apartment, 4J, and my mind is elsewhere. More specifically, it's plagued by the thoughts of Kendall. I wonder what he and Jo are doing this very moment. Is he kissing her? Is he enjoying his kiss with her more than his kiss with me?

"Logan?" Camille calls to me, breaking my reverie.

"Yeah?" I reply weakly.

"You've been acting weird all night. I know I keep asking you this, but is everything okay?"

"Oh, yeah, everything's fine. I'm just… tired," I lie.

"Okay," she replies but her eyes narrow slightly. She clearly doesn't buy my weak excuse. "If I… did something wrong, you'd tell me, right?" she adds.

She's breaking my heart. How can I convince her she has done nothing wrong? I just want to confess, _It's me! I'm the jerk who's cheating on you! _

But instead, I rest my hands on her shoulders to comfort her.

"Camille, listen to me. I know I've been acting… odd, to say the least. I've just been trying to sort some personal things out, but I need you to understand that you haven't done anything wrong. And you've been incredibly patient with me the last few weeks. Thank you," I tell her before I kiss her.

I feel her deepen the kiss. She tastes differently than Kendall. Her kisses are more passive, more submissive. Kendall's kisses are more primal, passionate and rough, at times.

Her scent of strawberry shampoo mixes with the smell of cigarette smoke from the bowling alley. It's a distracting combination. But even more distracting is, as I kiss her, I'm once again wishing they are Kendall's lips I'm kissing. I hate myself for kissing Camille without meaning it. It's insincere and unfair to her.

I really do care about her. And maybe, if we were born in different lives and a different time, maybe Camille and I would have been meant for each other. There's someone I just love more…

She pulls back and looks dissatisfied with the kiss. Even Camille can tell my heart isn't in it anymore. She composes her face though and smiles as if nothing is bothering her, but I now know she's worried, as well. This affair is like an emotional plague. It's bringing everyone down.

"Goodnight, Camille," I smile at her.

"Goodnight, Logan," she says in a somber tone before shutting the door.

I pinch the bridge of my nose and wonder how I've got myself in this awful position.

I climb into the elevator and press the button for it to take me down to the second floor. I'm ready for bed.

When I get back to the apartment, Mama Knight is turning the last of the kitchen lights off.

"Oh, hey, sweetie. How was the double date with the girls tonight?" she asks warmly, wrapped in her equally warm-looking bathrobe.

"It was… interesting," I choose to say when I find that I can't keep lying, albeit a small one. "The girls won."

"Girls are just better than boys," Mama Knight teases.

"Hmm, I suppose they are actually," I say. _They also aren't sleeping with each other like us boys_.

Mama Knight giggles, but clearly not understanding my reason for agreeing with her.

"Well, I was just about to head to bed. Goodnight, sweetie."

"Goodnight to you, too, Mrs. Knight," I wave.

"Oh, can you just double check that Kendall locks up when he gets in?"

I guess Kendall is still with Jo. Must be some goodnight kiss…

"Yeah, of course," I smile weakly.

I go into the room and retire. It's been a weird night. It started out with me resisting going on the date, but ended with Kendall telling me he loves me. I still can't quite wrap my head around his words. Weren't we just two best friends from Minnesota? When did we become _lovers_?

I sit on the edge of the bed to alleviate the pressure on my foot. I fall backwards and let my body slump into the mattress. I sigh and rub my belly. My hand skims under the hem of my shirt and I let my hand roam over my stomach. I think of Kendall and how hot he looked tonight in his forest green shirt. My hand begins to trail south…

"Starting without me?" Kendall voices interrupt.

I sit upright. He's looking back with a devilish grin.

"I was just, uh, undoing my pants," I stammer.

"Well, then it looks like I came in at the right time…"

God, he's so hot…

"Yeah, took you long enough," I play back.

"I'm sorry I took so long."

His tone is no longer playful or teasing; it's serious and apologetic. Now I'm curious as to why he feels he should apologize. Only one thing comes to mind.

"Did you kiss Jo?"

The question involuntarily escapes my mouth.

"Did you kiss Camille?" Kendall challenges by raising a brow.

I look down to avoid the question, but Kendall knows to take my silence as a yes.

"How are we going to do this?" he sighs as he sits beside me on the bed. Even though his question is vague, I know exactly what he's referring to.

"I'm not sure. I'm always going to get jealous when you're with Jo and—"

"I'll always get jealous when you're with Camille," he finishes.

As petty as it may be, it's reassuring to know that he gets jealous seeing me with someone else. I figured as much, but for him to say it out loud is something I'm not used to.

"Did you lock up, by the way?" I ask.

"Yeah, why? Was my mom still up?"

"Yeah, but she was heading to bed. She asked about our double date," I scoff as I rub my eyes. "We're putting on such a charade for our friends and family," I shake my head in disbelief.

"We sure are," Kendall agrees solemnly.

My foot throbs and I'm reminded that I clumsily dropped a heavy-ass bowling ball on it earlier tonight. I grimace at the surge of pain.

"Your foot," Kendall is quick to catch on. He kneels on the floor and takes my shoes off for me. It's a small and maybe otherwise trivial gesture, but somehow it's really romantic.

I'm slightly embarrassed that he's handling my shoes and socks, and I silently pray my feet don't reek. Even if they do, he's too much of a gentleman to say otherwise.

He examines my injured foot. I flinch reflexively.

"Did I hurt you?" Kendall asks.

"No, it's fine," I try assuring him.

"Doesn't look fine to me," he tells me as he examines the damage.

Now that I'm actually looking at it, there are some bruises that formed and my big toe looks a bit swollen.

"I'll go get an ice pack for it," Kendall says before he disappears.

As I sit and wait for him to return, I probe at my swollen foot. I'm such a klutz.

"I got the ice pack," Kendall announces when he returns. "And I also found some ointment for the swelling," which he waves in his hand.

He kneels back down, gently takes my injured foot and places it on his knee. He holds the ice pack to the bruised areas. I flinch again upon contact, but the icy cold mellows out the pain almost immediately. Kendall looks up at my face and smiles warmly. His green eyes smolders into me.

"Feels better already," I smile.

He continues to tend to my feet and I'm in awe of his kindness. He's the Kendall I know again. He's the Kendall I grew up with and love.

He takes the now dripping ice pack off my foot and wraps it in a towel. Then he dabs a generous amount of the ointment onto my foot. The cream immediately warms up and the warmth soothes where the ice pack left off. I let out a long sigh.

He rubs circular motions with both thumbs into my foot and big toe. I've never had anyone tend to me like this. It's perhaps the sweetest and sexiest gesture at the same time.

"You're very good at that," I praise.

"Perhaps a little _too_ good?" He comments.

I'm not following his meaning, but he stares at my crotch and licks his lips. I look down in that direction and, to my surprise, I'm hard.

His hands cease massaging my foot. He takes a cotton t-shirt and rips it. He bandages my foot with the ripped tee and uses the other half to wipe his hands dry.

"Wouldn't want your foot to get injured again because of any physical activities," he says, cocking his head to the side.

"No. No, we wouldn't," I gulp.

"Now… what other parts of you need massaging?" he grins seductively.

Before I have time to say anything, his hands slide up my legs. He runs his hands against my inner thigh and my body twitches. His fingers play at the waist of my jeans and I feel the button come undone. I swallow hard. He unzips me at an excruciatingly slow pace, but I know he's doing this intentionally. He wants me to go mad from the sexual build-up. It's working…

When I'm unzipped, he peels the jeans off of me, leaving me in my boxer briefs. I'm hard and straining against the tight fabric. He kisses my length through the cotton and it throbs for him. He smiles wickedly and continues to shower my member with kisses through my underwear. Eventually, the material gets wet from all the kisses and the cotton thins even more. The flesh color of my hard-on underneath is now visible.

When Kendall decides he's done teasing me, he tugs the waistband down and my erection springs forward. I blush at my body's eagerness, but Kendall simply smiles.

His hand wraps around my pulsating shaft. He steadies the base and flicks his tongue at the tip and the slit. I moan loader than I expected to. He ignores it and continues. His lips purse and kiss the tip of my erection, before he slides his entire mouth down onto me. My whole body falls back onto the bed in pleasure. I feel his mouth glide up and down my length, leaving slick trails of his saliva where his mouth has been. It feels so _good_…

I feel my body temperature rise. My stomach contracts as he sends me closer to the edge with every bob of his head. I know I can't contain myself for much longer.

When I feel I'm at my limit, I grip desperately for the bed sheets, but then I feel Kendall's mouth remove itself from my throbbing meat.

"Wha—" I mumble into a whine.

"Do you think I'd let you get off that easily?"

His question is a double entendre, to say the least.

He stands up and begins stripping his clothes; the first being his flattering green shirt. He's wearing a white tank underneath that hugs his body in a mouthwatering way. He pulls the tank over his head and loses his jeans shortly after. I'm propped up by my elbows, enjoying the strip show in front of me.

He pulls his boxers down to his ankles and kicks them off. Oh my… he's rock hard…

He stands there for a moment, allowing me to take mental snapshots of his glorious body. He's lean and tall. His body is naturally toned, but not in an overly muscular gym-enthusiast kind of way. His skin is tight and smooth. His face is still boyish, but he's looking more manly every day.

He glides over to me. He places both hands on either side of me and leans in for a deep kiss. I pry his mouth open with my tongue for a more sensuous kiss.

He leans back and pulls my shirt over my head. Now we're both naked. I skim my hands over his warm skin.

He climbs into bed with me. I lay on my back, but he pulls me up against his chest.

"No, I want to do it this way," he tells me.

Then he seats himself on the bed and pulls me into his lap, so we're facing each other. I carefully wrap my legs around him, so that my injured foot won't have to suffer from our inevitable lovemaking. He pulls me closer so my body is flush against his. His erection presses against me; I feel how full and warm it is. His lips find my neck and he begins kissing me lightly as he caresses my back. I gently tug on his hair as I tilt my head so he can fully service my neck. It's pure nirvana.

His tongue darts out and it traces the contour of my jawline until it finds my mouth. Then he kisses me wildly, ravaging my mouth with his. The gentle pace has become urgently passionate and I find I'm kissing back roughly just to keep up with his hunger. My breathing is ragged, much like his.

"You taste so good, Logie," he breathes. His lids are only half open. He's lost in a euphoria, as well. "I love you," he adds.

Hearing this sends my heart into the stratosphere.

"I love you, too," I practically slur in my aroused condition.

Kendall grazes his teeth against my earlobe and it's beyond hot. He bites the nape of my neck as I close my eyes and enjoy the plethora of sensations he's giving me.

"I need you now," I tell him. He nods.

I lift myself a little off his lap so that I'm hovering over his stiff pole. I'm about to seat himself on his impressive piece of equipment, when he grips my waist and stops me.

"Slowly," he commands.

I nod and let him take control. He holds my waist and looks deep into my eyes.

"I'm going to make love to you now," he tells me.

I'm ready. My body is ready.

He lowers me onto him—slowly, exquisitely slowly. His hardened length massages my entrance. Even hotter is the fact that he watches me. He's gauging my reaction, my pleasure. I feel his fullness stretching me and burying himself deeper into me, until he's completely inside of me. I moan into his neck.

"Kendall…" I cry in sweet agony.

He flexes his hips, which stirs even more sensations within me. I revel in the pleasure, close my eyes and I rest my forehead against his. I hold onto his shoulders and begin to move up until just the head of his erection is left in me. Then I sink my body back down onto him. This time it's Kendall's mouth that's left open, and moans of pleasure escape it.

I want to return the favor of pleasuring him since he pleasured me earlier. But he seems too eager to wait and begins moving his hips upward as I move down. Our movements send electricity coursing through my veins. Oh fuck… It's mind-numbing.

I curl one arm around his neck as my free hand rummages through his soft blonde hair. He tilts his head back and we lock eyes. I feel him sliding inside of me, but his gaze never removes from mine. Then I come down for a hard kiss. It's deep, animalistic and fervent. I tug his hair, tipping his head further back so that our kiss deepens. Our tongues dance in synchronization.

I continue to ride him and he continues to hold my waist, guiding me. He sets a delicious rhythm of his own—in and out, in well-paced movements. I feel myself quicken and my body's sensitivity is absorbing all that he's delivering me. I moan against his mouth.

We develop a singular pace; we're in perfect synergy with one another. I feel the sweet agony over and over and moan repeatedly. I bury my face against his neck to silence myself, but it's no use—I'm too lost in my own bliss. I no longer care if I wake up all of the Palm Woods; the sensation is too overwhelming to put a lid on it.

Our bodies sweat out our passion—our fervor for one another. It's intense. It's intimate. It's love in the most visceral way.

I feel us climbing higher and higher into a new realm of nirvana. I grind my hips against him. He likes this. His body reacts deliciously and his moans convey that he's feeling _good_. I smile triumphantly to myself.

Kendall continues to slam his hardened equipment into me as I slam my body down to meet his. Our sweaty bodies slap against each other and I feel a stirring intensify in me. My body is boiling, I must release soon or I'll overheat.

"Kendall… I'm about to come," I warn him.

"Good. Come with me," he purrs into my ear.

And then, just like he requests, we come—together.

Oh! The pleasure! I come and it courses through my entire body. The ecstasy devours me and I happily allow it. We ride out our orgasm together until we're completely drained of every drop.

I collapse first. My body slumps exhaustedly on my bed. Kendall hovers over me, with sexy hooded eyes and swoops down for a long slow kiss. My tongue sweeps against his. His mouth ravages mine again. It's deliriously exciting how in sync we are.

Kendall soon falls from exhaustion, as well. We pant as we try to catch our breaths. We're crammed on one pillow, since the second pillow I have got knocked down during our lovemaking.

We lie on the single pillow looking at each other. We're brown eyes to green eyes. We're in perfect harmony. I hear the faint sound of his heartbeat come to a slow.

I love him. I love his passion. I love that he loves me. I love how he makes me feel with a single touch.

I turn to my side with my back facing him. He curls his arm under me and pulls me against his body. He blows cool air on my damp skin, which feels refreshing and amazing. Then he plants a kiss on the dry patch of skin. I smile with delight.

We spoon and eventually I succumb to the exhaustion and fall into a blissfully deep slumber.


	6. Untouchable

**A/N: This chapter was a lot of fun to write! Ironically enough, I was actually going to cut this chapter out entirely, because it doesn't necessarily move the story along plot-wise, but I decided to keep it because it's a chapter completely devoted and filled with Kogan cuteness! And we could all use more Kogan in our New Year, am I right? ;)**

**I also decided I wanted to keep this chapter in, because I wanted to show what Kendall and Logan have is real. They were just unfortunate in finding one another at the wrong time, but this is their story after all, so I wanted to show the lighter side of their love story and leave all the bad association with affairs aside for one chapter.**

**This chapter was inspired by:**

"Perfect Two" by Auburn

"Untouchable" by Girls Aloud

**The two songs that I drew inspiration from also, weirdly enough, serve as almost a soundtrack to this chapter. As I wrote the intro of this chapter, I imagined "Perfect Two" playing as Logan replayed the night before with Kendall.**

**But the song that really helped me write this chapter was "Untouchable" by Girls Aloud. I imagined the song playing for Kendall and Logan's dates; it was crazy perfect as the soundtrack when I was writing the "dating montage", as I call it lol. I also couldn't decide on a title for this chapter. I played around with a few different titles but none of them really sounded right, so I figured the song choice should just be the title.**

**Please read and review, but most importantly, enjoy! Without further ado, I give you "Untouchable".**

* * *

When I open my eyes it's morning. I realize it's the first night in weeks in which I slept through the night. I feel refreshed. I feel _alive_. I stretch and my muscles feel a little sore, but it's tolerable. I close my eyes and recall last night. I recall Kendall making love to me in my bed. A smile emerges on my face. I flip around and see Kendall smiling brightly at me.

"Morning, beautiful," he greets me by planting a kiss on the tip of my nose.

"Morning. Have you been awake long?" I ask.

"Not too long. I was just watching you sleep," he admits sheepishly. "That isn't creepy is it?"

I chuckle.

"If it was anyone else, then perhaps. But since it's you, it's actually quite flattering," I assure him.

"Well then good. You're beautiful when you sleep," he hums into my neck.

"See? There you go again… flattering me," I smile.

I'm just glad I didn't snore in my sleep. Nothing kills sexy faster than hearing your lover snoring like a jet engine.

"I can't help it. You're perfect," he says as he showers my neck with kisses.

My heart doubles in size.

"I'm far from perfect," I humbly remind him.

"From where I'm looking, I have to disagree," he says as he looks directly into my eyes.

His green eyes bore themselves into my eyes and heart. And then his mouth focuses itself on mine. My eyes happily close. His tongue brushes mine and I'm sent to heaven again. I'm soaring through an ethereal kind of bliss.

Our lips disconnect and my breath is lost in his. I belong to him in an inexplicable way, just like he's a part of me.

"I love you, Logan," he breathes.

"I love you," I say back then I pull him in by the neck for a lighter and softer kiss.

He wraps his arms around me and I feel his warmth travel into my body. I would gladly stay like this forever if I could.

"We have the day off," he reminds me. "Anything you want to do?"

Suddenly, I'm excited at the prospect of spending an entire day with Kendall.

"Besides you?" I flirt.

"Mmm, someone's found their naughty side…" he whispers against my neck, which tickles me and makes me giggle.

"I don't know. What do _you_ want to do today?"

"Besides you?" he mocks. "Hmm, well it's sunny out," he informs, pointing at the window. The blinds filter the sunlight that threatens to burst through. "Want to just hang out by the pool?"

I think to the last time I was down at the pool. I was trying to relax when the sight of Kendall and Jo walking hand-in-hand broke my peace of mind.

I must have grimaced, because Kendall questions me.

"What's the matter?"

"Nothing," I shrug attempting nonchalance. Kendall looks at me with impatient eyes. "Okay, fine! It's just that, well, last time I was at the pool you and—"

"Jo were together," he finishes for me. He's getting surprisingly good at finishing my thoughts.

"Yes," I confirm meekly.

"Hey, I know that it's been tough for you, but it's been tough for me, too. Neither one of us has done anything like this before, so let's just stick together, alright?"

His words calm me and instill much needed trust. He kisses my forehead and pulls me in so that my head nuzzles against his chest.

"I trust you," I say honestly.

"Good," he smiles. "Besides, if you're worried that we'll run into Jo, don't be. She'll be on set shooting _New Town High_ all day."

It feels extremely selfish, but I'm glad I don't have to lose out on my time with Kendall to Jo.

"Is it wrong that I'm happy to have you to myself?" I ask of him.

"Not any more wrong than me wanting you to myself," he confesses. "Speaking of, I'm not stealing you from any plans with Camille today, am I?"

"No, I think she has a full day of auditions actually. Seems like the timing is serendipitous."

"Perfect. I get to have you to myself then," he smiles wickedly. "How's the foot by the way?"

I had forgotten about my foot again. Kendall acts as an effective distraction from my injury.

I look down at my foot and touch it lightly. The swelling has gone down considerably, but the bruises obviously have not disappeared yet.

"Seems okay," I shrug.

"Just try to keep it elevated as much as possible," he advises. He kisses my cheek, which instantly puts a smile on my face.

Then Kendall gets out of bed and starts to get dressed. The sunlight peeking through our blinds showcase his naked body. He's beautiful. I know beauty is subjective, but I can't imagine anyone with eyes finding Kendall unappealing.

He turns around when he realizes I'm watching him dress.

"Enjoying the show?" he teases.

I smile but blush a little for getting caught.

"Can you pass my underwear?" I request, pointing to it sitting by Kendall's left foot.

"No, come and get it," he orders.

He uses his foot and slides it even further from me. He's clearly screwing with my modesty.

I roll my eyes, but figure the only way to make him stop messing with me is to just show him I'm not as bashful as he may think. I throw the blanket off, revealing my naked body. I catch Kendall looking south and biting his lower lip. I ignore it and walk over to my underwear and pick it up. When I stand upright again, I'm inches away from him. He's standing still, breathing raggedly. I swallow hard and I begin to slip my legs into my boxer briefs.

"Wait," Kendall stops me. "Let me."

He kneels down and slides my underwear up, paying extra attention to my bad foot. Don't get me wrong; having your lover strip you is a turn on. But there's also something seriously hot about watching your lover _dress_ you.

The fabric rises past my thighs, and I feel the elastic band glide over my buttocks. He moves his hands to the front of the waistband and carefully slides it over my crotch. He looks up at me and smiles. He plants a kiss on my package when he's tucked me back into my boxer briefs. My body tingles from excitement.

"Shall we?" Kendall asks. I no longer know what he's referring to. "The pool, Logie?" he clarifies with a chuckle.

"Oh. Right. Yeah, let me get decent first," I say, referring to my still half naked self.

"You look more than decent to me," he comments as he comes in for a kiss. It's soft but there's so much feeling behind that tiny kiss.

We continue getting dressed and Kendall helps put a fresh bandage on my foot. I grab some towels for us then, we head out of the apartment.

"Going down to pool for a bit, Mrs. Knight!" I yell to her when her back's turned.

I run out as quickly as possible. I just know she'll make a big fuss when she finds out I injured my foot.

"Oh ok, you boys have fun," she smiles, not noticing the homemade bandage I have on my foot.

"Thanks, mom, we will," Kendall says before he closes the door.

We head for the elevator and there's an inexplicable excitement stirring inside of me. I can't quite pinpoint why I'm so giddy today. Kendall looks over at me and smiles, revealing his distinctive dimples.

Then I realize what's got me so excited. This is our first date.

Kendall and I have hung out before, but never like this. The double date with Jo and Camille doesn't count, because it was for show, a farce. But _this_… it's just Kendall and I—no one else.

"What?" Kendall smiles, but eyes me curiously. Evidently I can't seem to mask my joy.

"Nothing," I smile back, trying to keep my face as casual as possible. "It's just that I'm so happy we're hanging out again," I comment.

"Me too," he tells me as he lightly rubs my back when we're at the elevator.

I suppress the intense urge to kiss him. We get into the elevator, which happens to be empty. _I want that kiss_, I think to myself.

The second the elevator doors close we turn to each other and kiss passionately, as if it's our last kiss. I guess Kendall wanted the kiss just as badly… He's delicious. I don't think I'll ever satiate my appetite for him.

The elevator chimes and we cease kissing as the doors open to a few residents, who join us in the elevator. Kendall and I stand side by side, fighting the overwhelming urge to touch. We smile warmly at our fellow residents. When they're all in and have their backs turned, I feel Kendall stretch out a finger and touch my hand. I glance down quickly to verify it's really him touching me. I look back straight ahead and smile, then I reach my hand out and take his. We stand at the back of the elevator holding hands. It's a small gesture, but it makes me feel like we're a real couple.

I know we don't have long before the elevator will open, so I mentally hold on to the memory, because as soon as the doors open we'll have to go back to pretending like we're nothing more than friends. I briefly imagine that Kendall and I live in world where we're lovers without shame or guilt.

But before I can fully enjoy my fantasy, the elevator reaches the lobby as expected and the doors open with people waiting to aboard the elevator, and the ones in it, including us, getting out. I remove my hand from Kendall's, which seems like it takes him by surprise. He flinches and his eyes dart down as though he's trying to figure out what's missing from his hand.

He didn't actually think we would parade our affair around the Palm Woods, did he? He looks back up and just gives me a weak smile. Oh no, did I hurt his feelings? If he thinks I'm embarrassed to be seen with him he's delusional. He's perfection. I'm lucky that someone as wonderful as him loves me.

We head directly to the pool area, trying to avoid eye contact with Bitters, but somehow his piercing glares are impossible to avoid. I simply smile nervously, but he makes no effort to change his frown.

When we're outside, Kendall spots two open lounge chairs next to each other, so he leads the way.

We lay our towels down, and I kick off my flip flops. I can't help but stare at Kendall's ass while he's bent over laying his towel on the lounge.

"Like the view?" he teases.

Busted…

"I have no idea what you're talking about," I lie and playfully stick out my tongue.

"Uh huh, sure…" Kendall nods, eyeing me suspiciously. "You've been sneaking in lots of peeks today. If you want to see, all you have to do is ask," he purrs in a low voice so only I can hear.

Then he lifts his shirt over his head. He does it gingerly, as if he's intentionally giving me a strip show. He's clearly messing with me again.

Of course I blush. I'm also surprised at his boldness; we're out in public after all. But I can't help but want to flirt back for some reason. I strip my shirt, seductively and slowly, as well, but keeping it as mild as possible so bystanders won't get _too_ suspicious.

I see Kendall staring from the corner of his eye. I knew he couldn't resist a peek. I smile triumphantly. I continue with the tease by taking some sunblock and applying it on my body. I slowly spread the lotion on my chest and then trail my hand south. His eyes follow the direction of my hand.

He bites his lower lip then comes by me and whispers, "If that hand moves any lower, I can't promise that I won't have my way with you right here and now—in front of everyone."

Holy. Shit.

My hand immediately stops and retracts itself. Kendall smiles smugly. I blush again and sit down before he threatens me with any more sexual advances. I put on my sunglasses and lean back. Kendall towers over me, with the sun behind him. He looks like a god—tall and golden in the light.

"I'll be right back," he tells me quickly—so quickly I don't have time to respond.

I sit back and let out a deep sigh. I realize this is the first time in a long time that I've actually relaxed. I soak in the sunlight and people-watch while I wait for Kendall to return from where ever he went off to.

As I look around, I see happy couples everywhere. There's one kissing under a cabana, there's a couple holding hands in the pool, and there's a pair sharing a lounge, holding one another. Envy hits. I want to be one of these couples. I want my love for Kendall to be broadcast in the daylight and out of the shadows. I used to think I wanted this with Camille, but every time I tried to picture it, the image of her blurs. But when I envision it with Kendall, I see him with perfect clarity. I see _us_ with perfect clarity.

Kendall and I make sense, whether or not society prefers me with a girl—I realize that's never going to happen. I wasn't meant to be with Camille. I wasn't meant to be with any girl. I was destined to be with Kendall. He's the only person that makes sense in my heart. I can't help but feel a little melancholic though. The one person, who I know I love more than anyone else, doesn't even belong to me. Am I being foolish for investing so much of my time and heart into a taboo relationship?

Before I get lost in more thoughts, Kendall returns. He's holding two smoothies. I instantly think back to last time when I literally bumped into Kendall while he was holding two smoothies. One was for Jo. But now, he's holding a smoothie for _me_. My hearts sings.

"Smoothie?" he smiles as he holds the blue one out for me.

"Of course you'd keep the pink one for yourself," I tease as I take the blue smoothie from him.

"Of course," he winks. "Anything interesting happen while I was gone?" he asks, taking his seat.

"I realized I love you," I confess in a low voice. I'm shocked that I just said this aloud. Fortunately, Kendall doesn't seem fazed.

"That _is_ interesting. But, I thought you already knew that," he grins.

"I did, but I realize now I can't imagine not having you in my life," I confess into my blue smoothie when I find that I'm too embarrassed to look him in the eyes.

"I can't imagine not having you in my life either, Logan. You're everything to me."

We're staring deeply into each other's eyes… _too_ deeply. We both look around nervously, hoping no one caught our intense eye-lock. Luckily, no one seems to have noticed.

"Come with me, Logie," he requests.

_Where to now?_ I wonder, but I instinctively get up and follow him regardless. I'd follow him to the ends of the world.

He stops in front of a vacant cabana. He looks around, I'm guessing to make sure no one sees us going in together.

He pulls me in with him and draws the drapes. He places a sign that reads "Reserved" in front. I'm alone with Kendall under the cabana. My heart picks up. I hear his breathing pick up too, and then he kisses me. He cups my face and angles me so our mouths melt as one. I love the way he loves me.

"I love you, Logan," he tells me breathlessly. "I love you so much."

"I love you too, Kendall."

Then his lips crush mine once more. I feel his mouth explore my neck, then his mouth finds its way back to mine. His tongue brushes against mine. My tongue wrestles back and I'm lost in the perfect moment. Anyone could walk in on us now and I probably wouldn't be able to register it. All I know, all I see, all I _feel_ is Kendall… he's currently the singular thought invading my mind.

I feel Kendall's lips pull off of mine. I'm still coming down from my high. When my senses finally return, I see him staring adoringly into my eyes.

"I don't want to waste a second when I'm with you," he says.

I understand what he means. From the start, I felt like what I have with Kendall is precious, fragile. I'm scared that at any second my time with him could be stripped from me. I want to cherish every waking second with him.

"Neither do I," I state.

"I want to make up for lost times," he says, his eyes beaming with excitement.

"What do you mean?"

"I want to take you on as many dates as we can fit into today," he practically bounces in his shoes.

"Are you serious?" I smile at him with childlike curiosity.

"Yes! Let's go now!" Then he grabs me by the hand and dashes out, not caring if people wonder what two guys were doing under a cabana together.

We collect our things and get started on our back-to-back dates.

First date we go on is roller-skating. Kendall is a ball of energy, fun and charisma. I've never seen him quite like this. Next, we go to an arcade and play everything from air hockey, to Skee-Ball, to basketball, to Dance Dance Revolution, to Tekken. We're like 10 year-old boys all over again. And on top of that, Kendall wins me a stuffed panda with his tickets. With my subpar skills, I win him some Magic Ink and a Chinese finger trap.

Before I can even catch my breath from all the excitement, Kendall takes me to our next date: go-carting. Now this is totally up our alley. Kendall and I love nothing more than a good ol' fashion go-cart race. Unfortunately for me, Kendall wins and rubs his victory in my face.

We debate for a few moments on whether or not we should go bowling, but quickly decide to skip it based on how terrible of a time we had last time.

Kendall decides to take me to the park next and we play some Frisbee before the sun goes down. I laugh hysterically when a golden retriever decides to get in on our game. He snatches it right from Kendall's hand before Kendall even has time to notice. Then, we run and get some hot dogs after we realize we haven't eaten anything all day.

After the park, we go mini-golfing (which I win this time), followed by a movie, which I wish we discovered sooner. It's the perfect place, because as soon as the lights are off, we're able to hold each other. In the dark, I rest my head on his shoulder without fear and he wraps his arm around me through the entire movie. I silently wish the movie would go on forever, just so I can remain in Kendall's arms. After the movie we go get gelato, since Kendall is always making fun of me for never having tried it.

"Like it?" he inquiries after I take my first bite.

I make a few funny faces to humor him before I say, "Actually, I do."

"See, I told you it's a lot like ice cream," he smiles with glee.

"But denser than ice cream," I correct.

"Okay, okay, but close enough right?" he rolls his eyes.

"Sure," I shrug, playing off on how much I actually like gelato.

"Good," he nods. "Hang on… you got something on your nose," he informs me.

"I do," I say as I touch my nose.

"Yeah, right there," he gestures as he takes a spoonful of gelato and plops it on my nose.

"Kendall!" I shriek, but it turns into laughter.

How foolish of me. Even I had to see that coming…

Kendall laughs hysterically as I scramble for a napkin.

"Here, let me," he says, reaching a napkin to my nose and wiping the gelato off for me.

Our eyes meet and I can't help but think of how romantically cliché this is. It's something you'd see right out of a movie; a young love-struck couple, laughing merrily then sharing an intense moment in an ice cream, er, I mean, _gelato_ parlor.

Normally I'd cringe at this kind of lovey-dovey behavior, but now I understand that it was because I always secretly envied those people. They had love; I didn't. Now that I'm actually one of those people, I get why everyone's so lovesick over this kind of stuff. It's… _sweet_, ironically enough.

I keep my eyes fixed on Kendall's. I reach for his hand under the table. We're linked together as one. The pale moon shines through the tall glass windows of the parlor. I imagine it's beautiful, but Kendall simply outshines it. He's stunning. I'm lost in his eyes. What we have isn't just lust. Every moment I'm with him, I believe in him, I believe in myself more… I've never felt more alive, more powerful, more myself than when I'm with the beautiful man sitting across from me. We're a real team, a real duo, a real _couple_—even if we aren't able to express it yet. There's no one that can destroy what we share. There's no one that can divide our union.

We're two halves of a whole. We're symbiotic. We're untouchable.


	7. Oasis

**A/N: I just want to say thank you for everyone who's been reading so far! The fact that this story was created based on a one-shot boggles even my mind, but I'm having fun writing it so I hope you enjoy reading it!**

**The song that inspired this chapter:**

"Forbidden Love" by Madonna (from her Bedtime Stories album; she has two songs of the same title)

**I think the title of the song says it all. What Kendall and Logan have is a forbidden love, and I love this song for this chapter because it's sensual yet oddly sweet and romantic too, which are all traits I wanted to convey when I wrote this.**

**Hope you like it and feel free to review and share your thoughts!**

* * *

After cramming more dates into a single day than I thought possible, Kendall and I finally return to the Palm Woods—both of us exhausted, to say the least. Not that I'm complaining, because the simple fact that I got to spend a whole day with Kendall makes me the luckiest guy in my book. I've had more fun today than I can remember having in years.

We come home to an empty apartment. All the lights are off except the light in the foyer.

"Where is everyone?" I ask aloud.

Kendall glances around and shrugs. Something on the kitchen counter catches his eye. He walks over to it and picks up a hand-written note. He reads it out loud.

_Kendall,_

_Took Katie, James and Carlos out for some ice cream. Sorry we missed you guys—there's always next time! You and Logan don't have to wait up for us. _

_Love,_

_Mom_

"Looks like we have the place to ourselves," Kendall smiles as he crumples up the note and tosses it in the trash.

He slides over to me and kisses me.

"Whoa, hold on there," I giggle. "I'm all for us, um, taking advantage of the empty apartment, but how are you so sure they won't be walking through that door any second now?"

"I'm assuming they'll be gone for a while. She did tell us not to wait up, so I'm guessing they're planning on staying out a bit."

"True," I affirm.

"And… we know James and Carlos are going."

"Also true," I attest, but not sure what James and Carlos have to do with anything.

"And we know how much James and Carlos can _eat_…" Kendall accounts.

"True again," I laugh.

"They'll probably be there until closing and the manager will be forced to kick them out," he jokes.

"That's very possible," I chuckle.

Kendall moves towards me until he's in front of me.

"And I don't know about you, but I've been itching to get my hands on you all day," he hums as he demonstrates how he wants to touch me.

His hands fly to my waist as his lips touch my neck. It feels good… We haven't touched each other like_ this_ all day long.

My eyes close and I submit to his plea.

"What did you have in mind?" I ask through half-lidded eyes.

"Let's take a bath together," Kendall suggests arching a brow.

"I don't know…" I say with reluctance.

I'm scared to take a risk like this, especially since at any moment someone could walk in. Although a bath with Kendall does sound perfect.

"How about you get the water running, I'll grab us some towels and I'll text James and Carlos to get an idea of when they might come home? Sound good?"

I may be the genius, but leave it to Kendall to figure out a solution. I internally weigh the pros and cons, but decide, fuck it! I only live once, and maybe I'll only _love_ once, so why overanalyze it?

"Okay," I finally surrender. "I'll go get the water running," I say biting my lower lip.

"That's my boy!" Kendall cheers.

I feel a spank on my ass as I begin to walk away. I flinch before I give Kendall a playful glare. I see that he's chewing on his lower lip now, too.

When I'm in the bathroom, I close the door then rush over and turn the tub faucet on. I turn it to practically maximum heat. I touch the water and it's already gloriously hot—just the way I like it. I hope Kendall enjoys hot baths. I figure the hotter the better because it'll cool down by the time Kendall and I get in. Just the thought of us naked in the tub together has me impatient. I wish for faster running water.

Suddenly, I remember Mama Knight buying some bubble bath a few weeks back. I dig under the sink and find a bottle. I twist the cap and open it to sniff the contents. It's a girly and floral scent—lavender and freesia scented bubble bath. Close enough. I pour a few capfuls of the solution under the running water. Almost immediately, bubbles form and begin piling up upon one another. I'm entertained by such trivial things—I feel like I'm 6 again.

The bathroom starts to get steamy from the hot running water; it's nice and toasty warm. I begin removing my clothes. I put the toilet seat cover down and sit on it to remove the homemade bandage on my foot. I see that the swelling is minimal now. Even as I poke it, it doesn't feel as tender as it was yesterday or even this morning. I'm surprised it actually didn't double in size given all the physical activities we did on our dates today. I toss the dirty bandage in the trash.

The steam covers the mirror entirely now. I wipe some of it off with my hand and look at myself. I find that my reflection is smiling. Is this a result of being in love?

I scrutinize my body and self-consciously wonder if I'm too pale or too skinny. I poke at my chest and biceps. I know I'm being silly, since Kendall has already seen me naked, but I can't help but want to look my best for him. I position myself on the floor and begin to do a few quick pushups. My arms resist the exercise so I give up shortly after. I shrug and figure it's good enough.

I open up the medicine cabinet and spot James' Bear 'a' Cuda body spray. I lift my arms and sniff my pits. I shrug to myself and spritz some on my body, but I accidentally breathe in the musky spray and start coughing. Oh shit! How does James wear this stuff? I fan away the offensive odor using my hands. It still lingers in the air, polluting the bathroom with its strong notes of what I can only assume are clove and nutmeg.

I decide enough with playing around, so I go over to the tub. The water is emanating a lot of steam at this point. I dip my right foot into the water first; it's perfectly hot. I slowly sink the rest of my leg into the heated water, then my other leg, then eventually all of me. I wince when certain sensitive body parts meet with the hot water. I sit with my feet pointed to the drain and my back against the wall. I drape my arm over the side of the tub as I allow the hot water to unknot the tension in my muscles. I let out a sigh as the water also soothes my injured foot. I then slide my body down and slowly submerge my entire head into the water, before immediately returning to the surface. I push my hair back so it's out of my face.

As if he timed everything out perfectly, the door opens and Kendall walks in. He carries with him the two towels as he'd promised. The steam embraces him and dances around him. It also makes his clothes stick to his skin almost immediately. It clings to his body in a mouthwatering kind of way. He grins at me through the steamy room.

He places the towel neatly on top of the toilet cover. He begins to undress in front of me. I notice that the water level is high enough—and the bubbles are threatening to spill over the side of the tub—so I reach forward and turn off the faucet. When I look back Kendall has gotten down to his underwear. My attention is completely fixed on him again.

He slides his boxers down, but his eyes never leave mine. They're hypnotic. I'm under his spell. His skin is golden from the sun that we got today. His body deserves to be a temple to be worshipped. He glides over to the edge of the tub. I look up at him like a pagan looking at his deity. He smiles graciously at me and then dips his feet into the water. He flinches a bit at first. I guess the water is hotter than he's used to. The bubbles disperse and burst upon contact with Kendall's body. He lowers his body until all of him but his head is submerged.

He sits across from me and looks me in the eyes. I find that I'm slightly trembling, even though there's no possible way I can be cold in water of this temperature. Am I actually… nervous?

"Hot enough for you?" he asks teasingly.

"I'll say," I give him a crooked smile as I eye him up and down.

"Thanks," he chuckles, "but I was talking about the water."

"I like it hot," I state matter-of-factly.

"I bet you do…"

I feel his fingers gently rake my legs. They slowly move up my inner thighs. I twitch upon contact. His hands continue roaming until I feel him fondling me under the bubbles. The fact that I can't see what he's doing and now limited to just _feeling_ it makes it even more exciting.

His hand wraps around my member. My mouth opens and lets out soft moans as I give into my needy pleasures. My blood rushes south and I harden in Kendall's grip. He gives me a few long caressing strokes. Between his hand and the hot water, the sensation is absolutely wonderful.

He stops and scoops the water between us away until he's directly in front of me. He presses his lips against mine. I bring my hand up to touch his face. He's now covered in bubbles that have transferred from my hand to his face. We giggle and I scoop up some more foam and decorate a faux beard on his face with the bubbles. I laugh and he gives me the same treatment. The two of us laugh at one another with our silly bubble beards. I splash some water to wash off the beard, while Kendall dunks his head into the water. He quickly runs his hands through his hair.

We lean in and our mouths meet in the center of the tub. I close my eyes and allow my mouth to part. His tongue enters my mouth and I enter his. Our kissing shifts between soft and caressing to intense and rough.

He lifts me so he can easily slide under me. We're now facing the same direction with me sitting in his lap. I feel his erection behind me. I lean myself back against his chest. His chest is firm and warm. He plants a kiss under my earlobe. I feel his warm lips mingle with his cool breath against my skin. My skin's alert to his presence. My blood pumps and courses throughout my entire body and a sexual desire within me is given life.

He massages my shoulders and it's sensational. I've never had anyone massage me; it's romantic, sensual and thoughtful all at once. One of his hand slides down my chest. He grazes my nipple as he passes it, then he moves it down my abs and navel, and then finally he grabs hold of what he has been really yearning for. I let out a long moan as he pumps his fist with my throbbing erection firmly in his hand.

Kendall places his other hand under my chin and tilts my head back. He kisses my mouth roughly. Our tongues find each other and they tangle. Kendall angles my head so our kiss deepens. I feel his tongue bury itself in my mouth. His mouth is warm, wet and sensuous. He tastes divine.

"Make love to me," I breathe.

"Gladly," he purrs into my ear.

I lift my body so I'm directly over his hard-on. He steadies his shaft and I lower myself until I feel him inside me. I moan, but continue easing myself onto his hardened rod. He pulsates and throbs against my opening. I feel the water stir and slosh between our skins, which only heighten the sensations even more. It's an incredible feeling…

I use my feet to pin his legs against both sides of the tub. With his legs parted wide, I lean against his body again. His erection is angled in me and it hits a sweet spot. I cry out in pleasure.

He wraps his arms around me, and uses my own body weight and slams me back and forth on his member. His breaths are quick and rough on my neck. I tilt and turn my head so we're face to face and look into his eyes. He kisses me with tongue. He's warm, the water is warm, but I'm on fire. Every cell in my body burns with a fiery intensity for Kendall; they beg for his touch.

Our bodies are wet and slippery, yet we still grind against one another with such fervent ambition. I rotate my hips and soon we work up a rhythm, causing a water vortex in the tub.

I grip the edge of the tub for added support as I continue to ride Kendall. He tugs on my damp hair to dip my head back. Then he comes down for a long impassioned kiss. Our mouths are wet; everything about us is wet, our hair, faces, and bodies. It's a new sensation, but I find that I'm really enjoying it. There's something very raw and contradicting about having sex in a tub.

The water slaps against our bodies as we create greater intensities in our movements. Kendall groans and moans, which only encourages me to pound down on him even harder. We're a perfect team. I love the effect I have on him; how I'm able make him aroused. And I love the effect he has on me; how he's able to make me feel sexy and desired.

The tip of his erection continually hits me in my sweet spot, causing the pleasure in me to grow. I revel in the sensation and keep slamming my body down on Kendall's stiffness, bringing both of us over the edge. My movement becomes more animalistic, more frantic until I finally can no longer hold back my stored pleasure.

"I'm about to come," I warn Kendall.

"Come for me, baby," he moans.

An orgasm courses through me violently and I spill my seed like a geyser in the tub. Kendall smiles proudly upon seeing me come. He kisses me wildly as I continue to ride him until he shoots his load shortly after. I feel the warmth of his fluid stream through my body. His body spazzes and stiffens briefly until he's drained all of himself; then his body relaxes again and slumps down.

I shift my body and rest my head on his shoulder. Our breaths are synchronized, as if we're one.

We barely move. We simply lay there and rest against one another—body to body—in our little oasis. It's a paradise I never want to abandon.

When my breathing returns to normal, I lean up and give Kendall a soft lazy kiss. He caresses my back with his long slender fingers then run them through my wet tangled hair.

"What's with us and bathrooms?" I ask semi-seriously, acknowledging the sexual encounters we've had in bathrooms.

"Maybe it's a fetish of ours," Kendall jokes. I laugh because I can't entirely deny whether it's true or not.

"We should probably get dressed before they get home," I suggest.

Kendall groans, clearly not wanting to move. I begin to get out of the tub when he pulls me back and kisses me.

"What would I do without you?" he says looking deeply into my eyes.

"Let's not find out," I answer.

I suspect that my reply satisfies him, because he smiles and releases me. I get out of the tub, and I'm dripping water profusely all over the bathroom floor. I hear Kendall whistle as he checks out my ass. I give him a grin then grab one of the towels he got for us. I rub the towel onto my damp hair, then I pat dry my body. I wrap it around my waist and fasten it to stay put.

Kendall finally gets out of the tub. I notice that he's still semi-hard… the boy sure stays arouse for some time. He picks up the other towel and brings it to his face then he runs it through his hair and dries the rest of his body.

He opens up the medicine cabinet, takes a Q-tip and cleans his ears. I stand behind him and wrap my arms around him. I plant a kiss on his upper back; his skin is still warm. He turns around to face me and cups my face and gives me yet another kiss. It's like our lips cannot get enough of each other.

"I'm going to get dressed," I tell him.

"Why? It'll all come off in a bit anyway," he says with a sexual inflection in his voice.

Damn… More sex? How is he not drop dead exhausted after everything that we've done today and just now in the tub?

"Well, we surely can't both walk around in nothing but towels," I remind him.

"Fine," he groans in defeat.

"I'll get you some clothes, too," I tell him before I give him a quick peck on his cheek.

He grabs my ass before I leave. I turn around and see those green eyes penetrate me. Holy fuck, he's beyond hot standing there with come-hither eyes and nothing but a towel on. I leave the bathroom before I lose control of my desire for him and do something foolish.

When I'm in our bedroom, I rummage through my dresser for some clean clothes. I pick up a simple navy V-neck shirt and smell it to make sure it's clean. It is. It smells wonderful actually. I must remember to thank Mama Knight for taking such good care of us.

I throw on the shirt and then grab a pair of grey sweatpants and pull those on. I decide to skip the underwear completely. After all, what was it that Kendall said? "It'll all come off in a bit anyway." I grin ear to ear at the prospect of making love with him again.

I touch my lips and am completely amazed at the fact that the person I've wanted for so long wants me back. Not many people can say that; I'm extremely lucky in that sense.

I go over to Kendall's side of the closet and pull an old Incubus t-shirt off the hanger. Then I grab a pair of cutoff sweats of his. I briefly consider getting him underwear, but I decide he should go commando, as well. I head back to the bathroom with Kendall's clothes.

As I barely pass by the living room the front door opens. _Fuck_…

I freeze, because I can't react quickly or come up with anything better. Mama Knight, Katie, James and Carlos all come in. Kendall and I were so caught up in the moment we hardly managed our time alone properly. How long were we in there exactly?

"Oh hey, Logan!" Mama Knight exclaims.

I just stand there speechless like a fool, holding Kendall's clothes in my arms with a dumb nervous grin on my face.

"You guys missed out on _so_ much ice cream," Carlos says rubbing his bloated belly.

Then to make the situation more awkward, Kendall walks out of the bathroom with nothing but that towel on.

"Hey, Logan, what took you so—" he cuts himself off when he sees that everyone has returned.

I barely make any eye contact with Kendall. Instead, I look at the four sets of eyes staring back at the two of us, assessing the odd situation: one half-naked boy waiting for the other boy to bring him clothes. If they weren't suspicious before, they certainly are now.

I have a million thoughts and fears running through my mind. _Will they question us? Am I just being paranoid? Will I have to come clean to Camille? Can we just lie ourselves out again this time?_

There are so many thoughts I have, but the most important question, the one thing I'm most concerned about is; _will this cause me to lose Kendall?_


	8. Rumor Has It

**A/N: I've tried to keep my promise of posting one new chapter every weekend, and I think I've done that as far as I can recall. But after this chapter, I *may* take a short hiatus. I promise I won't leave you guys with an unfinished story—I'll definitely return to it! I just need to refocus on a few more pressing matters, but who knows, maybe I'll find the time to write and there will be no hiatus after all! Fingers crossed lol.**

**The song that inspired this chapter was "Rumor Has It" by Adele. It's funny because I knew early on that I wanted to title this chapter "Rumor Has It…" because, well, you'll see. The title was suitable, but I wanted to avoid the Adele song. Don't get me wrong, it's a great song and I adore it, but it felt too cliché. Funny enough, I played countless other songs and none of them inspired me, nor fit the tone of this chapter. I eventually gave in and played Adele's song and it fit as a very appropriate soundtrack for this chapter, so it ended up being the right choice.**

**Anyway, thanks again for everyone who's been reading my fanfics, and I hope you guys enjoy this chapter! Without further ado, I give you "Rumor Has It…".**

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Their eyes are still fixed on us, expecting an explanation, I'm sure. My cheeks turn red and I simply hand Kendall his clothes without uttering a single word.

"Thanks, Logan," Kendall smiles nervously. Everyone is still looking at us. "Um, I just asked Logan if he could grab my clothes," he explains to no one in particular.

Once Kendall has his clothes, he runs off into the room, leaving me to fend for myself. I figure I have two options; I can either 1) address the situation at hand, or 2) ignore it completely by changing the subject.

"So what flavor did everyone get?" I ask, after opting for option 2.

"More like which flavor _didn't_ we get," Carlos laughs. No one else seems to laugh. Everyone's probably still processing what the hell they just saw.

Carlos seems oblivious. Mama Knight seemed curious, but her denial must have won over because she drops it. James and Katie, however, seem suspicious. Katie seems to not bother with the details and drops it, as well. Unfortunately, James seems like he's not ready to give up just yet. He narrows his eyes at me, as if trying to mentally break me.

"Well, I got mint chocolate chip," Mama Knight smiles, lightening the tone a bit.

I wonder what she's thinking. Her only son living a closeted homosexual lifestyle… every mom's dream, I'm sure… Or maybe I'm overreacting. Maybe her guesses are completely off base.

"I got orange sorbet. I don't recommend it though," Katie advises, holding her stomach. "These two pigs here acted as if it was a buffet," she adds pointing to James and Carlos.

"Hey, why would they display all the flavors if they _didn't_ want the customers to try each one?" Carlos tries to rationalize.

"That's not why they do that, dummy!" Katie counters. "Anyway, I'm going to bed. I think that sorbet made me sick…" Katie groans before heading to her room.

"I better go and make sure she's okay," Mama Knight says. "You boys don't stay up too late."

"G'night!" Carlos and James shout in her direction.

"Good night, Mrs. Knight," I say in delay.

"Alright, I think I'm going to bed to sleep off this food coma," Carlos groans as he rubs his full belly again.

It's just James and I left in the room. His eyes study me.

"So… what did you and Kendall do today?" James asks with an agenda in his tone.

"Nothing really. Just chilled by the pool, I guess," I say casually.

I try to not make eye contact with him, because I crack under pressure when people stare at me.

"Hmm, that's _all_ you guys did today?" he inquires.

I'm beginning to get annoyed with this interrogation.

"Yep," is all I say, before I add, "Well, I'm tired. I'm going to call it a night, too."

I fake a yawn, stretch, and head for the bedroom.

"Rumor has it you and Kendall are dating."

I instantly stop in my tracks. I'm stunned speechless. I know I should just play dumb and ignore it, but my curiosity takes the bait.

"That's ridiculous, why would people think that?" I scoff with my back still turned to him.

"Well, Amanda saw Kendall buying smoothies for the two of you, and Darcy spotted you two sitting 'awfully close', as she put it, and then Carla caught you guys running out of a cabana together."

I turn around and look at him this time. He's really pushing my buttons tonight. What is it to him anyway?

"I didn't realize two best friends aren't allowed to—_gasp!_—drink smoothies together," I mock.

"No, nothing wrong with that at all. Just sounds awfully… intimate," he says when he's carefully chosen his words.

"I didn't realize you have fem-bot spies working for you," I say sardonically.

"They're not spies," James chuckles. "They just happened to tell me what they saw between you two."

"Well, first off, that's absurd that they think Kendall and I are together. And secondly, it's frankly none of their business."

"Yeah, you're right. It's none of their business, but it is my business since you two are supposed to be my best friends. So… anything you want to tell me now?"

"Yeah, there is," I say, walking over to him and leaning in close for dramatic effect. "Maybe you shouldn't listen to silly gossip," I whisper.

"That may be true," he chuckles, "but I have a feeling it's more than just 'gossip'." He narrows his eyes at me again.

"Is that so?" I challenge. "Hmm, tell me, James... do you always take advice from girls you've only had one night stands with?"

"Oooh, burn…" he praises my tongue-lashing. "But I'll have you know that I haven't hooked up with Darcy… yet," he winks.

I roll my eyes. I can't believe I used to have a crush on him.

"You know what, James? You shouldn't worry so much, you may get grey hairs on that pretty head of yours," I patronize.

He laughs darkly.

"Speaking of hair, Logan. Why is your hair wet?"

"I took a dip in the pool earlier," I lie.

"If I didn't know any better I'd guess that you two showered together," he theorizes.

"You're wrong," I state matter-of-factly. Kendall and I didn't shower together, we _bathed_ together. So technically, I'm not lying.

"I don't think am," James smiles arrogantly. "I'll keep your secret for now, but you should remember there are other people who are involved."

I ball my hands into fists. Is the notorious man whore really giving me advice on decency? I want to scream at him and smack him, but I compose myself.

"Are you done grilling me yet, detective?"

He simply nods, but he still has that condescending smile on his face. My blood boils.

I head for my room and slam the door when I'm inside.

"Can we excommunicate James?" I say angrily to Kendall, who happens to be towel-drying his hair.

Kendall chuckles.

"Why what happened?"

"He's in everyone's business again," I understate. "And what the hell was that back there? You practically threw me to the wolves," I overdramatize.

"I was standing in nothing but a towel, Logan!" Kendall laughs at my childish behavior. "Also, I didn't think me being there would help the situation either."

That's probably true.

"Okay, fine, but you know how I buckle under pressure."

"So do they know?"

"I don't think so," I shake my head. "Well, I think they were slightly suspicious, but no one brought it up. Well, no one except for James," I huff.

"Oh, is that why you're mad at him?"

Kendall gets up from his bed and comes over to console me. He wraps his arms around me and allows me to rest my head on his chest. He's warm, so warm…

"We probably shouldn't be this close," I say into his chest.

"Probably not, but I don't care. I just want to hold you," he says as he kisses the top of my head.

I wish I could let Kendall love me without any fear of getting caught. I wish things were easier, less complicated for us. I wish our relationship didn't have to be such a taboo—something that we can be proud of, not something we have to keep in the dark. But I know that the time for us to announce that we're together isn't right yet, so I push him away. The hurt on his face cuts me deeper than I'd prepared myself for.

"What's wrong?" he asks trying to mask the pain.

"We just… have to be careful," I choose my words cautiously. I don't want to pain Kendall again. "People are starting to talk," I inform him.

"So? Does that bother you?"

"A little. Doesn't it bother you?"

"Honestly, I don't care at this point. I just want you. Whichever way gives me you, I'm happy with—even if that means telling everyone the truth."

"We can't do that," I blurt out instantaneously.

"I'm not saying we have to do it now, but I'm beginning to think you were right from the start; we should've told someone."

I'm briefly stunned. My mouth gapes open and I'm trying to process what Kendall is telling me.

I find it odd that he's now having a change of heart. He was the one that was so adamant about keeping this affair a secret before and now he's ready to tell everyone? What's more shocking is how I feel about this. Shouldn't I be relieved? I mean, I did want to confess to someone to alleviate the burden and guilt. And in truth, I still do. So why am I all of a sudden nervous at the thought of telling people about us?

Then it hits me. I'm scared because it means I could potentially lose Kendall. If word gets out that we've been having an affair, how will people react? There's no guarantee that people will be so willing to forgive. I wouldn't even consider anyone congratulating us. How would that even go; "Congratulations on being sneaky, cheating bastards to two sweet girls"? And what if Mama Knight hates me for what I've done with her son? What if she keeps Kendall and me apart?

I'm completely confused on what to do. Fucking James! I'm pissed he cast such doubts. I was actually _happy_! And he had to go and ruin it. I don't know why his words keep ringing in my head. It's none of his business. But then why am I letting him get under my skin so much. Then I realize it's not him I'm pissed at. I'm pissed at myself, because if I'm being honest, he's right. Sure, he was being an arrogant prick about it, but he's right—my secret involves others, too: Jo and Camille.

"Logan?" Kendall looks at me with worried eyes. "What are you thinking about?"

"I just don't know if it's the right time," I say honestly. "I'm not sure how I'll break the news to Camille. Do you even know what you'll say to Jo?"

He ponders this for a moment then says, "No. I guess I don't."

He has a somber expression on. I think we're both beginning to realize how much of a reality this affair is becoming. It's devouring us emotionally. We can pretend like the lies and cheating aren't there; we can go on and pretend nothing else matters but our love; but the truth is, there is so much we didn't prepare ourselves for. We had no clue what we were getting ourselves into.

Now I understand why adultery was considered such a sin back then. It consumes everyone and everything with it, until everyone's emotionally depleted. I may not be literally wearing a scarlet letter, but it's there inside of me. The guilt is visceral—and growing.

"Wow, whatever James said really got to you, didn't it?"

I guess the look on my face must be really glum and palpable.

"Yeah, I know I shouldn't let him bother me. It's James after all. He's cocky and feels entitled to everyone's lives," I state.

Kendall laughs at this. I'm glad one of us is able to find some humor in all of this.

"He's still one of our best friends regardless," Kendall reminds me.

"Remind me again why?" I joke sardonically.

"Oh come on, you don't mean that. Besides, if I recall, you used to have a thing for him…"

My eyes widen and my cheeks turn beet red.

"No!" I lie and try my best to look affronted.

"Logan, it's all right, I'm not mad," he chuckles.

I cover my face with my hands and collapse onto my bed. I'm mortified. Was it so obvious that I liked James back then?

I feel Kendall's hand caress my back as he continues to laugh at my expense.

"Logan, it's not a big deal," he tries to pacify me.

I turn around and uncover my face.

"How do you know? Did Carlos know, too? Did _James_ know?" I shriek.

"I don't think Carlos knew. And James might have suspected, but then again James thinks any hot-blooded female and male likes him," Kendall rolls his eyes at the last part.

"I'm so embarrassed."

"Don't be. To be honest, I didn't even know if it was true or not. It was just a rumor I heard from some of the girls in Mrs. Ingle's fifth period class."

"Jeez! I hate rumors!" I exclaim. Kendall laughs and nods in agreement. "Oh, god, you don't think I still like him now, do you? Because I don't! I promise, Kendall! You're all I want," I clarify.

"Shhh, it's okay, I know. I'm not worried at all," he smiles. "It was ages ago. We were, what, in like the 7th grade?"

"6th," I correct.

"All that matters is that you're mine now," he says then he kisses me.

Suddenly, I'm reminded why I no longer hold romantic feelings for anyone but Kendall; not James, not even Camille. Everything and everyone disappears when he kisses me. I pull him closer by the collar of his t-shirt.

Our mouths move in unison with our tongues exploring each other. His scent emanates and intoxicates me. He smells so good; my mouth waters for lips, my body begs for his touch. His fingers brush my face; they touch me delicately, softly. I give his lower lip a gentle bite and suck on it. I love his lips. They're warm and supple and willing. They're perfect.

Kendall glides his tongue at the crease beneath my bottom lip. He moves it down my jawline until he finds my neck, which he then begins to suck. He moistens my neck with his wet mouth and I feel his teeth gently grazing my skin.

Suddenly, he collapses his body weight on top of me. He doesn't crush me though. He's careful enough to support himself so that his body is just pressed against mine. Plus, the mattress gives and gently springs me back against Kendall's body. I feel his hard body on top of mine. He isn't athletically built like James, but his body is still toned and firm. His muscles are tight, especially around his chest. He's makes my body throb and twitch.

He continues to kiss me deeply but tenderly. His lips mold into mine. He gazes at me intently and longingly. He loves me; there's no doubt in my mind. It's not some silly crush or wishful thinking on my part—he loves me. And I love him. I love him as much as a person can.

His green eyes blaze in the dark, penetrating to my soul and captivating me many times over.

I feel his erection bulging through his sweats, pressing down on me. I'm glad I decided not to give him any underwear. I see that his pre-cum has seeped through his sweats, as well. He brings his hand up to grasp my chin and resumes kissing me. His tongue tentatively strokes mine.

I pull his Incubus shirt off. I yank his sweats off next and watch as his fully hard member pops out. His pre-cum runs down the tip of his erection, glistening the head.

Kendall's breathing comes out rough and ragged, almost animal-like. I explore the length of his long torso with my hands. I continue to roam my hand south until it lands on his backside. I flex my hand and squeeze his buttocks. He gives my neck gentle love bites and alternates by flicking his tongue against my skin.

I feel his warmth; his body temperature rises, and it causes mine to rise, as well. He slides his hands under my t-shirt and pulls it over my head, tossing it to join the cluttered things on the floor. I pull off my sweatpants before Kendall even has a chance to take them off. He smiles at my impatience; I know he is, too.

He brings his body to mine and his erection prods me and I feel him shift his weight, which only causes him to push it into me. I wrap my arms and legs around him, as though I'm desperately clinging on to him for survival. Our bodies intertwine. His eyes are impassioned by a greedy sexual desire. I'm sure mine mirror his just the same.

"I don't know what's happening to us, Logan, but I can't lose you," Kendall says to me.

My heart thumps and swells in my chest. Kendall's eyes lose the animalistic edge and soften. He's the innocent boy I grew up with once again.

"You won't," I assure him as confidently as I can.

But in the back of my mind I'm less confident than I sound. I don't know this with absolute certainty. Somehow it's bittersweet. The thought of losing Kendall is more than my heart can bear, but at the same time it makes everything more sacred knowing that any moment it could be our last time together intimately. I know this, and I think Kendall knows this now, too.

"I love you," he hums.

"I love you," I reply and then I crane my neck up for a kiss.

Without any more words, Kendall slides his hands down my sides until he's at my ankles. Then he throws my legs over his shoulders and lines himself at my opening. I look at him expectantly and the hunger in his eyes returns.

He bites his plump lower lip then he's inside of me, quickly filling me. My mouth drops open and a sexual moan escapes involuntarily. He pins me down by the shoulders with his hands, claiming sexual dominance over me. I moan loudly as he rams himself deep into me. I desperately grab the pillow next to me and bite on it to keep from screaming. Kendall doesn't seem to mind whether or not I scream. We should be more cautiously especially after what happened in the living room, but neither one of us seems to care right now. We're too concerned with our carnal desires.

Kendall moves swiftly into me—slowly at first, but picks up speed shortly after. He knows exactly where I like it. I feel the sweet agony repeatedly as he mercilessly pounds into me like a wild animal. The feeling is exquisite and heavenly. My senses scatter and disconnect, allowing me to solely concentrate on the pleasure he's delivering me. My toes curl and flex alternatively as I brace myself for his lust-driven lovemaking.

His breathing has changed again. It's quickened and comes out harsher. I, on the other hand, feel as though I'm breathless. My body temperature is scorching, and I begin to sweat profusely. Or perhaps it's Kendall's sweat. The sweat rolls off his body and slicks mine. A trail of sweat falls off the tip of his nose and lands on my neck. Our bodies are hot and sweaty and I don't even care.

I run my hand down his back and feel the sweat pooling. I grab his ass again and pull him even deeper into me. We both moan at the newly welcomed sensation. The angle that he's hitting me at is maddening. I shut my lids tightly and let his body rampage mine.

I hear the slap-noise of our sweaty bodies colliding; his balls slap against my buttocks. Our bodies bump and grind in a savage yet rhythmic way, as though we're completing in tune with one another's thoughts and movement.

I feel an orgasm coming forth. The sensation gradually grows as do Kendall's thrusts. My body aches for the much awaited release. My body feels scorching hot and I don't give a damn; it just feels too good. I feel the euphoria expand and quickly fill my entire body, until I can longer suppress it. It forces itself out of me and I erupt in sheer ecstasy. I bite down on the pillow to prevent myself from howling to the moon, because that's where I feel like I'm sent—the moon and back. When I have my full release, my body relaxes and radiates pleasure from my skin.

Kendall thrusts a few more times before his body stiffens and he climaxes, as well. A deep growl begins to escape his mouth, but I pull him by the neck and lower him for a hard kiss to silence him. He moans into my mouth and assaults my tongue with his. Our tongues swirl in a sensual dance, while Kendall empties himself into me. I feel the warmth of his love shoot through my body, filling me completely.

I don't stop kissing him until he has drained every last drop of his seed. We pull away briefly when we find the need for air again. Our breathing is heavy and laborious. Kendall's semi-hard erection continues to throb and twitch slightly inside of me. When he's emptied himself, he pulls out of me. My body immediately misses him and yearns for him.

He collapses on me and gives me a lazy kiss. My mouth parts and fuses itself against his. I run my hand through his damp sweat-induced hair. We look into each other's eyes like we always do after we make love. His green eyes shimmer, but it's the golden yellow hue in his eyes that stand out more tonight. They seem endless, like an abyss of pure beauty.

Kendall falls onto his side and we lay on my bed drenched in sweat, but glowing from the post bliss. My tongue hangs lazily out of my mouth as I try to find my breath again. I feel warm lips peck my shoulder. I turn and look at Kendall, who's looking at me through sexy hooded eyes. He looks like he's intoxicated by the sex fumes, too. His bottom lip hangs as he tries to steady his breathing, too. I want to bite that sexy lip of his.

Kendall is my religion. Making love with him is a kind of catharsis—it's a spiritual awakening I never knew existed. We lock hands and allow the exhaustion to carry us. My eyelids begin to feel heavy and dull, and I don't even attempt to fight them. I succumb to the exhaustion and soon my eyes shut and I fall into a languid and peaceful sleep.

That night, Kendall dominates my subconscious mind. He appears in all my dreams—and I glad accept him.


	9. Choices

**A/N: So I was able to find time to work on this chapter, so yay for no hiatus! (At least for this week!) :P This is a crucial chapter because a lot happens in this chapter. The rough draft of this chapter was actually written pretty early on, and for the most part has remained its integrity. I've made a few changes just for continuity purposes, but I'm happy with how it came out. And I hope you'll all be happy with it, as well!**

**The songs that inspired this chapter were:**

**"Speak Up" by Pop Etc (previously known as "Virgins" by The Morning Benders)**

**"Strangeland" by Keane**

**I really like both of these songs, because in many ways I feel like that sum up this relationship. They're both love songs that are bittersweet, which is exactly how Logan feels about the affair throughout this story.**

**I decided to title this chapter "Choices" because there's a line near the end of the chapter that I really like. It's about take responsibility for your actions and finding redemption. Anyway, I don't want to give away too much, so enjoy and please review!**

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I open my eyes to see Kendall still asleep. He's beautiful even without trying. In that instant, I don't think of him as just a lover—he's also indisputably my best friend. I bring a hand to his face, but retract my hand when he shifts. When his body calms again, I caress his temple. I brush a strand of his blonde locks out of his face. His long eyelashes dance with his steady breathing. His mouth slightly parts with his lower lip looking deliciously plump. The urge to kiss him overtakes me.

I lean in and lightly press my lips against his. Kendall's eyelids slowly open as he takes in the moment. He smiles and licks his lips.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you," I apologize.

"Don't be sorry. That's a hell of a wake-up call," Kendall teases.

I find that I'm wearing a smile. Waking up with Kendall beside me is a dream come true; it doesn't get much better than this.

I rest my head on his chest and play with the strands of hair on his chest. Kendall grazes his fingers back and forth on my back. We lay silently, completely content in each other's company without having to utter a single word. That's the beauty of our friendship. We never needed to find ways to constantly entertaining ourselves; we were perfectly fine just being together.

"It's our last day off before we have to go back into the studio," I remind him.

"Don't remind me," Kendall groans. "How did you want to spend the day?"

"I was thinking we could go to the aquarium today. That's not too lame, is it?" I ask self-consciously.

"Of course not, silly boy," Kendall chuckles. "I'd go anywhere just as long as I'm with you," he says kissing the top of my head.

I grin from ear to ear again upon hearing this.

"Well, let me go get ready then," I announce before I give Kendall a quick peck.

This apparently isn't enough for him, because he pulls me back for a deeper and longer kiss. I feel his wet tongue brush mine. Our lips make a smacking noise when we pull our mouths off one another. I smile and kiss the tip of his nose.

I get dressed by throwing on the first clean clothes I see—a striped Henley and a pair of old faded jeans. I go into the bathroom and brush my teeth. My reflection is sporting a goofy grin. I can't suppress the smile though. I'm in love with Kendall. It's greater than I could have ever imagined. I splash cold water on my face to make sure I'm not dreaming, because having a dream guy like Kendall is heaven sent. The ice cold water shocks. Nope, definitely not a dream!

I return to our room with the same giddy smile plastered on my face. Kendall, who's still in my bed, returns my smile.

"What are you still doing in bed, lazy?" I tease.

I curl under the blanket with him and nuzzle up close. He plants a light kiss on my lips. But there's something hesitant about his kiss.

"What's wrong?" I probe.

"Nothing," he attempts to smile reassuringly. I narrow my eyes, because I'm not convinced. "Well… Jo just texted me. She wants to talk to me about something."

"What about?"

"Not sure."

His tone is low and his eyes drift. It's weird sharing Kendall with Jo. We just spent the night making love and now I'm supposed to hand him back to her. It only reminds me that he was never mine to begin with. Our affair is surviving on borrowed time—how long before it runs out? I'm not sure I can handle the emotional turbulence much more.

"Well, you should go to Jo," I tell him.

My voice comes out defeated—I didn't mean it to. I don't like playing the victim, because I don't want to make it any harder for Kendall. I can see that he's conflicted. But more importantly, I don't want him to see my pain.

"Are you sure? I won't go if you don't want me to," he declares.

I scoff at the irony. It's cute but naïve of him to think he has to ask for my permission, because the fact is, I don't have the authority to tell him otherwise even if my selfish heart wants to. He's not mine, I remind myself again.

"Of course I don't want you to, Kendall," I admit. "But unfortunately, I don't have a claim on you. As far as everyone's concerned, you're Jo's boyfriend, not mine."

"Well, as far as I'm concerned, I love _you_."

His words just make it harder to let him out of my grasp.

He kisses me, and this time there's no hesitation. It's our kiss. It's the kiss I know so well now.

We lay in bed a little longer. Kendall holds me until he has to go and meet Jo. I watch him dress and I study the beautiful lines of his body, for I don't know if it will be the last time I will see him this intimately.

He turns around and flashes me a small smile. He tells me goodbye and it takes all my willpower not to run over to him and pull him back into bed. I put on a false smile, even though Kendall knows me well enough that he would never buy a smile of such artifice, but I still wear the mask of the understanding lover, even if just for my own benefit. The truth is my heart shatters as soon as he closes the door.

I curl up to Kendall's pillow and hold it. I close my eyes and let my sense of smell take over. The scent of Kendall's skin permeates the room still. I take a deep inhale and let the euphoria wash over me. It's a poor and pathetic substitute, but it'll have to suffice, because the truth is… I miss him already.

I lay in my bed for a bit longer. I look up at our bedroom ceiling and study the imperfections; the small cracks that Buddha Bob had to spackle over, the patches of mismatch paint, the small cluster of cobwebs in the corner. I do this meaningless task to get my focus off of Kendall, but it only reminds me how lifeless I feel without him. I decide I have to get through a day, even if Kendall isn't me. I won't allow myself to become one of those co-dependent mopey couple.

So I exit the room and see Carlos sitting alone at the table eating what appears to be a bowl of cereal.

"'Sup, Logan," Carlos mumbles through his chewing.

"Morning, Carlos," I smile weakly at him.

"Cereal?" he offers holding up a box of Cap'N Crunch.

"Sure, why not," I shrug.

I go grab a bowl from the kitchen cabinet and a spoon. When I return to the table, Carlos is chugging down his bowl of milk and going for seconds. Didn't he sample every flavor of ice cream just last night? How does he have this large of an appetite?

"Hungry there, buddy?" I eye him.

"No, why do you say that?" he asks obliviously.

"No reason." I laugh lightly and drop the subject.

I pour some cereal then milk into my bowl and sit across from Carlos, who's chowing down on a giant spoonful of cereal.

"Where did your boy, Kendall, go?" Carlos asks.

"Huh? He's not my boy!" My voice peaks.

Carlos stops chewing and looks at me with worried eyes.

"Relax, man…" he chuckles. "I just meant where did he go?"

"Oh…" I really need to stop being so paranoid. "He's spending the day with Jo," I explain.

My tone comes out more glum than I want it to. But luckily, Carlos is enjoying his Cap'N Crunch so much he's not even aware of the sorrow in my voice.

"Oh, cool. Jo's really good for him, don't you think?" Carlos asks rhetorically.

It's like a knife against my side hearing one of my best friends say someone else is good for the guy I'm in love with. I form a fixed smile and just nod.

I sit and play with my cereal. I barely eat any of it and the cereal starts to get soggy as it absorbs the milk.

I look at Carlos, who seems so naively content with his breakfast. He's always been the optimistic, happy-go-lucky one of the group. He can barely hold a grudge for more than ten minutes and he's the kind of friend you'd go to when you need to vent to someone, because he's entirely free of judgment.

I want to tell him about my affair with Kendall.

I know I shouldn't be involving anyone else into our secret, but keeping this huge secret has been a burden. It's been eating at me to keep this from people I care about. The only person who knows is Kendall, but it seems every time we mention anything remotely close to the affair, our guilt seems to paralyze us. Either that or we disagree on how to handle the situation. Talking to someone who's not involved could give me an unbiased opinion, which is what I think I need. The temptation to tell Carlos is much too great.

"Hey, Carlos, can I ask you something?"

He stops and looks at me—unexpectedly—with widened eyes.

"Logan, I swear I didn't mean to use your toothbrush to clean my shoes."

"No, not that! I was going to— Wait! What?"

"Nevermind. You were saying?" he smiles nervously.

I narrow my eyes at him and shake my head, but let the matter drop.

"Note to self: buy a new toothbrush," I say aloud. "Anyway… I need some advice on something."

"Of course, what's wrong?"

I have the choice to tell Carlos, but what if I'm wrong? What if Carlos does judge me? And what if he judges Kendall, who would no doubt feel betrayed that I spilled a secret without his knowledge.

I decide that it's not the right time to tell anyone yet, not even Carlos.

"So I have this… friend. His name is… Larry," I substitute.

"Larry?" Carlos cocks his head.

Oh no… Is he on to me? I play cool and continue anyway.

"Yes, Larry. And you see my friend, Larry, made a mistake—a huge mistake—that he now feels guilty about."

"What did Larry do?"

"Well, my friend… he, uh, he slept with his best friend… Kirk."

"Kirk," Carlos repeats without humor.

"Yes," I affirm barely making eye contact.

Carlos looks like he's processing something and now I wonder if I should have just been upfront and honest with him from the start. He scratches his head.

He deliberates internally for a few more moments before saying, "I don't see the big deal, Logan. So your friend, Larry, is into guys. So what? It's the 21st century," Carlos smiles and shrugs.

"Well, I'm glad to hear you're so open-minded," and I truly mean it. "But that's not the issue. You see, Kirk is already with someone."

"He already has a boyfriend?"

"Not exactly," I say with a wince. "He has a girlfriend. Her name is… Jen."

I mentally facepalm myself. Why am I continuing to make up fictitious names?

"Ohhh, that changes things," Carlos voices.

"Yeah, so what should I, uh, I mean, Larry do?"

I pray Carlos doesn't catch my minor slip.

He looks focused, like he's taking in everything I told him and assessing the best solution.

"Well, I think your friend Larry should talk to Kirk and convince him that they need to be honest about their affair. They need to tell Jen and anyone else that may be involved. I'm not saying it'll be easy, but I'm sure Larry will feel much better afterwards," Carlos wisely advises.

"Yeah, I think you're right. You know, you're a lot smarter than you look, Carlos," I tease.

He laughs and adds, "Yeah, I have my moments. But hey, tell your friend good luck with his situation. I hope it all works out for him."

I realize that Carlos sincerely has no clue that I had been referring to myself the entire time. For a brief moment, I thought he was just humoring me and playing along with my terrible name changes. But the childlike innocence on his face tells me otherwise.

People may see this as him being oblivious or naïve, but now I just see it as Carlos being good-hearted. He's always had a heart of gold; a heart easily bigger than all of ours, mine included. He's not some jaded cynic that expects the worst in people. He truly believes in everyone's best. It makes me weigh his morality versus my own. I have nothing good to show for myself anymore. I'm the guy that lets people think I'm a good wholesome boy when I'm really having an affair with someone who's already taken. I then realize I'm disgusted with myself.

"So do I," I finally reply with a meek smile.

I push my bowl away from me because I've lost my appetite.

"Logan, you all right? You look pale all of a sudden."

Carlos looks at me with concern. I decide I should probably leave before he thinks I've mentally lost it.

"Uh, I got to go. Thanks for the advice though, Carlos."

"No problem, man," he smiles proudly.

I jump into some shoes and head out of the apartment, completely forgetting to say bye to Carlos. I stand in the hallway absentmindedly. I pace around anxiously and impatiently; impatient for what or whom, I have no idea. I just have this overwhelming and consuming need to confess all my wrongdoing. Then it dawns on me. I need to talk to Kendall. I need for him to understand that I can't live with this guilt for a second longer. I know he's with Jo, but I'm not sure I can wait all day; I'm bursting at the seams as it is.

I run for the elevator and slide in before it closes. I push for it to take me to the third floor—for it to take me to Jo's apartment.

When the doors open to the third floor, I run towards 3I and barely hesitate, because if I do, I know I will back out again. But when I get to Jo's apartment, I do hesitate, because her door isn't fully closed.

I stop and debate on whether or not I should knock. I find it odd that a teen girl living on her own doesn't take the time to lock her door. I slowly push the door with ease until I'm standing in Jo's apartment.

Her TV is turned off, so the place is quiet. I glance around her tidy little apartment. It's immaculate. Her blinds are opened to allow the sun to shine through. Her place smells floral, citrusy almost. It's definitely clean and girly, unlike mine and Kendall's room, which is cluttered and smells of sweat and dirty socks.

I see her bookcase against the wall, filled with books, but what catches my eyes are the framed photos of her and Kendall everywhere. They're smiling and clearly happy in all of them.

_What the hell are you doing here?!_ I scream at myself. But my curiosity is too great. It's like seeing someone's diary left open and unattended. I have to take a peek.

I pick one up and see how their eyes light up. Petty jealousy and humiliation surge through me. I then realize that I don't belong with Kendall. I never did. I just foolishly convinced myself that I did.

Suddenly I hear some shuffling noises coming from the other room. I walk towards the noise like a moth to a flame. I know it can be potentially hazardous but I can't seem to will my legs to stop moving forward. The noises grow as I approach the door to what I can only assume is Jo's room. My heart stills as if silencing the heartbeats that would be so loud and give away my location. I hear muttering but it's hard to make out what they're saying. As I inch closer to the room, I hear "can't" being repeated a lot, but that's the only audible word I can make out. I peer through the crack from the door being left slightly open. And then I see them.

Kendall is over Jo and she has her limbs wrapped around him. They're kissing each other roughly and she has already unbuttoned his shirt and now has begun to undo his jeans. I feel the bile rise in my throat. I cover my mouth with my hand to keep from vomiting. I can't watch another second of this; it's too much. I bolt out of the room, not caring if they hear me.

I run like a madman through the hallway and pound repeatedly on the elevator button to take me back down to our floor. I grow impatient and run for the stairs. It feels like the oxygen in my lungs has been depleted.

When I finally make it back to 2J, I dash towards my room, as if I'm fleeing to a safe haven. I close the door behind me and sink down to the floor. I bang the back of my head against the door, cursing quietly to myself. I feel tears prick my eyes and overflow. I bind my knees together with my arms and sob into them. I should have known better… Why did I get myself into this mess? I'm such a fool.

I cry pathetically for a few more minutes before the sorrow turns into anger. I decide I don't want to be inside of the Palm Woods. Fuck the Palm Woods. Fuck Hollywood. Everything was less complicated when we were back in Minnesota. I uprooted my life just so everyone else can chase their dreams, and the only thing I got in return is a broken heart.

I wipe my tear-stained face against my sleeve and head out of the room, the apartment, and the Palm Woods.

I walk around the park feeling lost and confused. Instead of feeling better, I feel worse than before. I'm surrounded by places and things Kendall and I have experienced together, all the memories we've shared.

It's a gorgeous day out, but somehow I can't fully enjoy the beauty of it all. I miss the simpler days. I miss the simplicity of just_ being_… no acts or pretenses, no secrets or lies. I'm beginning to question the purity of love. How can my love for Kendall be pure when it's tainted with lies and deceit? Can I even call it love? I debate this for a bit, but I realize I love Kendall—there's no question about it. Whether or not he loves me is beside the point, because it doesn't change how I feel about him.

I love him more than I realized I could possibly love another human being, but I now know that my love for him will always be overcast by guilt. I'll never have—nor deserve—a happy ending with Kendall if our relationship is built on this affair. I now understand what I must do. I've subconsciously knew it all along, but I now see with perfect clarity that I can't be with someone I love—even someone I love as deeply as Kendall—if I can't forgive myself.

I have to hold myself accountable for my actions. I have to reclaim control of my life. I have to make the right choices.

The thought of having to tell him we can't be together kills me. I want him more than I've wanted anything in my entire life, but I have to take responsibility for my actions. I have to let him go.

I make my peace with this gut-wrenching decision. I picture him. I picture every detail of his face. I replay last night in my mind; the way he touched me, the way he kissed me, the way he held, the moment he told me he loved me…

I close my eyes and touch my lips. I hold on to the memory of the first time I felt his lips press against mine. I didn't know I could feel so breathless yet so alive both at once. I feel the emotions intensify and the onslaught of tears brimming at the corners of my eyes again. They spill out again, but this time I'm thankful they do… I've been holding them in for too long.

A cool breeze cuts through the warm air. I feel the zephyr dance around my face and flutter my hair. I let the breeze calm me, and deliver me serenity and clarity.

_Goodbye, Kendall_, I mentally say to the memory of him.


	10. Lovefool

**A/N: So as promised, I have a new chapter for you this week! I hope most of you have been following this story from the beginning. If you've just recently discovered this story, I would recommend reading it from the beginning. I tend to write chapters that literally continue from the last one, so it can be confusing if you have not read the story in consecutive order.**

**Also, this story is the direct sequel of my one-shot, "Big Time Lust", so you should also check that out as supplement reading if you haven't yet! :)**

**The song that inspired this chapter is:**

Bon Iver "I Can't Make You Love Me"

**I love "I Can't Make You Love Me" because it fits this chapter so perfectly. It's a very beautiful ballad that sums up what Logan's feeling. And it was the song that I imagined playing during the scene at the end.**

**And since I didn't post last weekend, I thought I'd make it up to you guys and make this chapter extra long. Enjoy! ;)**

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I head back to the Palm Woods with my decision finalized. I square my shoulders and hold my head up high trying to feign strength and conviction. I'll need all of it in order to break up with the person I love most. But as soon as I get into the Palm Woods I run into—who else?—Kendall. Fuck! This is not where I imagined our breakup conversation taking place.

"Logan? Everything alright?" he asks me placing a hand on my shoulder.

I instinctively shake his hand off my shoulder. He looks puzzled. I don't want him touching me right now; it feels too strange.

"I'm fine," I say through gritted teeth.

"Logan, I need to tell you something," Kendall begins. He looks around and must realize the setting is too public. "Privately," he adds.

_Oh? What is it? Are you going to tell me how you sleep with me and then sleep with Jo right after?, _is what I want to say, but I just settle for a more passive approach.

"I need to tell you something, as well," I say.

He looks concerned again. Am I that readable? Or is it that Kendall just knows me well enough to detect something is amiss?

"Okay, well let's go back to our room and talk," he suggests.

It then occurs to me that we're roommates. After we break up, what will become of us? Surely we can't go on pretending like nothing happened. It will be beyond awkward going from sleeping with him to simply sleeping next to him. I push the thought aside, because I can only deal with one issue at a time for now.

We breeze through the lobby, avoiding Bitters' scrutinizing glare on our backs. It's just Kendall and I that aboard the elevator. For once, I actually wish it wasn't just the two of us. There's too much tension and unresolved issues; I'm not sure I can bear the silence.

We stand side by side but neither one of us says a word. Maybe we're both secretly hoping the other will be the first to break the silence.

My mind imagines Kendall's lips on Jo's. I grit my teeth. I picture Kendall's undressed body on top of hers. I bite the inside of my mouth. I imagine Kendall inside of her and I angrily pound my fist against the side of the elevator.

"What's going on with you today?" Kendall asks finally breaking the awkward silence.

"We have to break up," I blurt the words out of my mouth.

I see the shock and confusion plastered on his face, and even I'm startled by my lack of emotional control.

"We… _what_?" Kendall's eyes widen in disbelief.

"I'm breaking up with you," I say slowly and more clearly this time, but I don't have the courage to look him in the eyes.

"Logan, look at me," he commands as he places his hands on my arms to spin me around to him. "What are you saying?"

"You heard me," I say through a trembling voice. It sounded much stronger in my head.

He hits the emergency button and the elevator shaft immediately comes to a complete halt.

"What are you doing? People are waiting for the elevator!" I exclaim.

"I don't give a shit. I need for you to tell me why all of a sudden you want to break up with me," he demands, but there's desperation in his voice.

I remain silent because, again, I didn't imagine having this conversation in an elevator. I refuse for it to play out like this.

"I'm not going to let you out until you tell me what's going on," Kendall announces when he realizes I'm playing mute.

I finally look at him, but with an edge of hostility. I can't believe he's cornering me into talking.

"I'll tell you as soon as you start the elevator," I lie.

"I don't believe you," Kendall says sharply. The hypocrisy! He's been lying to me and Jo and he doesn't believe _me_?

"There's something we both can agree on," I counter.

I must've struck a chord because he looks hurt.

He corners me against the elevator and brings his hands to me face—a tender gesture. I push his hands away. I don't want him to caress me if it's insincere.

"Don't," I say flatly.

I try to push him away, but he pulls me against his body. I beat on his chest, but that's futile, as well. He pushes my hands away and pulls me in by my neck for a kiss. Our lips barely touch before my hands return in time to push him back.

"Let me kiss you, Logan," Kendall pleads.

I'm emotionally torn. A part of me is angry and wants nothing to do with him, but the other part of me wants to cling to him.

His body presses against mine. My legs try to escape his perimeter but he's got those trapped, as well. I fight the desire to let Kendall hold me, but he persists. He pins me against the elevator corner. He rests his forehead on mine and his mouth crashes upon mine. My mouth refuses to open for him, but he continues kissing me roughly.

"I love you, Logan. And I know you love me… tell me you love," he growls pulling me in by the waist.

Our bodies are flush against one another. I feel him grind his hips into mine. The effort to fight him wanes and I submit to him. My mouth parts and his tongue immediately finds mine. Our kiss is wet, sensuous and angry. We've never kissed like this before. In an odd way, it's a complete turn on. It's primal and passionate. There's a deep craving for one another that we cannot seem to deny.

My arms curl under his body and I pull him even closer. Our kiss deepens and my eyes close as I completely give in to the bliss. His scent scrambles my logic. I feel my blood pump and pulsate from my head down to my toes.

I'm transported to the nirvana I feel whenever I kiss Kendall. It's a place only he can send me to. I hear my name, but I'm taken aback because the voice doesn't belong to Kendall. My eyes open and I return to reality.

Kendall turns around to see what I'm looking at and the two of us are stunned into silence.

I see the face of a very hurt and confused Camille just before she bursts into tears and runs off.

"Camille! Wait!" I yell as I chase after her.

I chase her through the lobby and into the pool area. People turn and look at us, but I ignore them. She runs under a cabana and I hesitate for a moment. I debate whether it's best to leave her alone or try and console her.

I know everything has been screwed up. This is my chance to try and make it right with Camille—she deserves that much from me. I follow her into the cabana.

She pounds on my chest angrily. I let her take out all her frustration.

"Camille, let me explain, please," I beg.

"Explain what, Logan Mitchell? Explain how you cheated on me… with your best friend?" she sobs.

"It's so much more complicated than that, Camille," I try to justify.

"No, Logan! It's really not. You either cheat or you don't. It's rather black-and-white, if you ask me!"

"I wanted to tell you the truth for the longest time, Camille."

"But you didn't. You lied to my face while you and Kendall… I can't even finish the rest," she says with disgust.

"I messed up, Camille. I messed up badly—I get that now!"

"So what? You expect me to forgive you because you've come to your senses?"

"No. I mean, yes, I want you to forgive me, but I'll understand if you don't."

I try to wrap my arms around her to comfort her, to ease the hurt that I afflicted upon her. She doesn't want it though. Instead she folds her arms and flinches away from me.

"Camille…" I say sadly. It's like her rejection has cut me deeply. I can only imagine how _she_ feels right now.

"It's like I don't even know you anymore, Logan Mitchell…" she says with revulsion. And then she walks away from me, never once looking back. I continue watching her walk away and wonder how I've destroyed my friendship with Camille.

I walk back to the Palm Woods with a blank daze. I feel entirely devoid of emotions. It's like any ounce of feeling hurts; it's bearable when I just don't _feel_.

I arrive in front of our apartment, 2J. I just stand there briefly and stare at the apartment number. My mind momentarily takes me back to when we first got to the Palm Woods. I remember feeling like I was in a foreign land—a land of strange eccentric people; shallow people filling their lives with petty drama just like their TV personas. Now I'm one of those absurd people Kendall and I used to roll our eyes at. It feels like I'm starring in my own TV drama; and it's not as entertaining or satisfying the least bit.

I make my way into the apartment and head into the room. Kendall sits at the edge of his bed; it looks like he's been waiting for me. I barely make eye contact with him. I'm not exactly sure what to say anymore. I was just about to break up with him, but ended making out with him, only to have my girlfriend walk in on us. Sadly, there's really no appropriate icebreaker for something like that.

I try to make it to my bed quickly, but he bolts up and stands between me and my bed. He's clearly not ready to give up.

He looks at me with curious and worried eyes. I'm not sure what my eyes hold, probably devastation, regret and guilt. Those sound about right.

"How's Camille?" Kendall asks with genuine concern.

"Not good," I understate.

Kendall gives me a sympathetic look, then leans in for a kiss on the mouth, but I quickly turn so my cheek receives the kiss instead.

"What is going on with you? You still haven't told me what I've done wrong?" he frowns.

"I saw you," I say clenching my jaw. Kendall still looks confused. Or maybe he's just playing dumb. "I saw you with Jo," I clarify.

He lets out a sharp and audible exhale.

"Logan… it's not what you think," he says pushing his hair back.

"Don't give me that!" I yell. "Don't treat me like some idiot."

"Logan, I was trying to break up with Jo," Kendall begins.

"But, what, you ended up screwing her instead?" I attack.

"She came on to me!" he defends, clearly insulted by my accusation.

"Doesn't make it any better."

"Nothing happened! I kept telling her 'I can't.' I stopped her before it went any further."

I recall back to earlier and hearing someone say 'can't' repeatedly. That must have been Kendall's voice I heard. I don't share this part with Kendall though.

"Well, you said she wanted to talk to you about something. Didn't look like you guys were doing much talking…"

"Logan… Jo is leaving."

"What do you mean?"

"Her contract for _New Town High_ has been up for a few weeks now, but I guess her manager already got her a lead role in a new TV pilot."

"But that doesn't explain why she's leaving," I surmise.

"The show shoots in Vancouver. If Jo decides to take the role, she said she'll be moving there."

"So… she's leaving Hollywood—just like that? That seems a bit extreme," I state.

"Well, after I wouldn't… sleep with her," Kendall says, choosing his words carefully, "she told me she'd been thinking about moving to Vancouver. She's been thinking about it for some time. She says she has been feeling a growing distance between me and her."

"Why did she decide to tell you now?"

"Your guess is as good as mine. Maybe she felt rejected by me."

_I know the feeling_, I think to myself.

"There's something else you're not telling me," I narrow my eyes at him.

Kendall briefly glances up to meet my line of sight.

"She asked me to go with her, Logan," Kendall says in a low voice. I'm immediately silenced. Kendall takes in my shock and continues when he realizes I'm still too speechless; "Either that or she would break it off with me."

I didn't realize things were so chaotic. I've been so busy on my own emotional rollercoaster that I haven't even noticed anything else.

So Jo essentially gave Kendall an ultimatum. And now he was giving me an ultimatum, as well. Oh, the karma…

I'm afraid to ask the obvious question, because I'm afraid I won't like the answer, but I ask it regardless.

"What are you going to tell her?" The words vibrate as they escape my mouth.

"I honestly don't know…"

This stings. A foolish part of me thought he'd say, _I could never leave you, Logan_. I'd be lying if I said it didn't hurt. I let out an audible huff and look away. I can't let him see the hurt plastered all over my face; the rejection alone is humiliating enough.

"I'm guessing you still haven't told her about us, have you?"

Kendall shakes his head, slightly embarrassed. I nod at his confirmation. I already suspected so.

"Kendall, answer me one thing."

"Anything, Logan…"

"Was what we had real for you, like it was for me?" I ask like a desperate love-fool.

"Of course it was real for me. How can you say that?" Kendall yells. I've never seen him get so worked up before.

"I want to believe you… I really do… But it's hard when you tell me you love me then you contemplate running off to Vancouver with Jo!" I yell back. I feel the prick of tears coming. I try to suppress them.

"Then believe me," Kendall says almost in a plea. "When it comes to you, I've always given you the truth. There's no one else that comes close to you. Every time I touch you, it's like, I don't know, I'm _alive_. I love you, Logan…"

The words should make me feel better, but somehow they feel like salt on a wound. He loves me but he wants to leave me for someone else?

I look away because if I look him in the eyes I'm scared I will turn into putty like I always do.

"You can't tell someone you love them, Kendall; only to leave them. You can't be that cruel…"

A tear escapes and runs down my face. I'm mad at myself for not holding it together.

Kendall instantly closes the gap between us and his arms fly around me, embracing me. I don't try to push him away this time—I don't have the strength to anymore. Instead, I let my heavy head rest upon his chest, while he rests his chin on top of my head.

"I don't know what to do anymore, Logie," he says in a somber tone. I hear him choking slightly on his words. "I don't know how to make everything right again… no matter what I say or decide, someone gets hurts. Tell me what to do," he pleads.

I shake my head that's buried in his chest. He's smart enough to know I'm just as lost as he is. I've betrayed Camille, and now Kendall is potentially leaving my life. Maybe this is what I deserve for having an affair. Maybe this is my punishment.

"Maybe we should just end this—whatever 'this' is—before anyone else gets hurt," I suggest. My head says, _too late_.

Still, I know that is the rational solution, because affairs never end well. How could they? Someone always ends up feeling betrayed. Relationships never come out undamaged after an affair. A part of me knew this all along, if I'm being honest with myself. But call me selfish, call me a cheater, call me whatever you like, but the truth is, a part of me hopes that Kendall will ignore what I just said and continue loving me.

I look up at his face and hold my breath because I'm not sure what he'll say next.

"Yeah, I think we should end this, too," he says without eye contact.

I let out a sigh. But it's not of relief. It's disappointment. My heart shatters like glass.

"So that's that, huh? You and I are over?" It comes out very melancholic.

"Isn't that what you wanted?" Kendall asks.

What a stupid question; of course it's not what I want, but how can we continue rubbing our affair in everyone's face? I simply nod, finally giving in to a battle I cannot win.

We stand there motionless, with Kendall's arms tightly around me and my tear-stained face pressed against his chest. I want to freeze this moment forever.

I finally look up into his green eyes and he stares back. We're finally consciously making lasting eye contact. My eyes dart to his lips and his eyes do the same. Slowly our mouths inch closer until our lips meet. It's a soft impact initially, but soon we're pressing them firmly against each other. Our mouths open and we begin kissing heavily. It's urgent and savage; we're like ravenous creatures.

I bite his lower lip out of frustration, anger and lust. He groans and bites mine back.

Our bodies instinctively move to my bed, but our mouths never separate during the process. When I feel the back of my knees hit the edge my bed, we fall on top of it. Kendall's weight lay on top of mine, but I welcome his body. It doesn't feel like he's crushing me—if anything I want his body to bury itself into mine.

My hands roam and land on Kendall's rear. I pull him closer, causing his crotch to grind into mine. I feel his hand slide underneath my shirt and up my back. I lift my body high enough as he removes my shirt.

His mouth finds my neck; he nibbles and grazes his teeth on my sensitive skin. As he does this, my nose skims Kendall's neck. I deeply inhale his delicious scent. I try to hold onto the memory of it, because I may not get another chance to be this close to him. A pang hits my heart at the mere thought.

I feel Kendall impatiently fumble with my jeans, so I give him a hand and swiftly yank them off, taking my boxer briefs with it in the process. I'm completely nude while Kendall is still fully dressed. _This must be rectified,_ I think to myself. I reach for Kendall's pants and undo them while he pulls his shirt over his head. I pull down his jeans. Kendall slides out of his boxers and kicks them off. He sits on his knees, towering over me, lightly panting.

I reach a hand out to him. He takes my hand and I gently pull him back down on top of me. I feel his weight press against me again; it's a comforting thing. I feel his erection lay on top of mine, exchanging warmth.

We lay still momentarily. Our breaths come out in unison, like a singular beating heart and one set of lungs. We gaze into one another's eyes, communicating inexplicably in our own weird way somehow. The animalistic desire changes into something softer, something tender. It's not fucking. It's lovemaking.

I know exactly what this is—it's our break up sex. I know it and Kendall knows it. After tonight, the affair will be over. After tonight, Kendall and I will be over. It shouldn't have ever started to begin with; I understand that now.

This will be the last time Kendall will touch me like this. A lump rises in my throat and I feel emotionally overwhelmed as the affair replays in my mind in its entirety. Involuntary tears begin to roll down my cheeks. I feel more things in that single moment than I thought possible—regret, happiness, guilt, desire, remorse, freedom, fear, elation…

I'm a fool. I'm a fool for crying, but what's worse is I'm a fool because I fell in love with my best friend.

Kendall doesn't say a word or ask me what's wrong. He already knows. He simply kisses me tenderly. I wrap my arms around his naked body and pull him closer, not wanting to let go of him. In turn he wraps his arms under me. He gradually slides his body down until his member is at my opening.

He looks at me. My eyes communicate what I want. I want him. I've always wanted him. With my permission, he lines himself and slowly moves his body forward, easing himself into me. I bite my lower lip and grip onto his waist.

I slide my hands down to his rear and pull him in deeper, reveling in the raw pleasure. He moves with gentle ease inside of me, inching his way until he's completely in. His mouth finds mine again. Our mouths part and fuse as one. My eyes close from the bliss. The tears continue to trickle as I try to sort and make sense of my overwhelming emotions. I no longer care if I'm making a fool out of myself. I don't care if I'm being pathetically vulnerable. I lay down my heart. What's the point in keeping it? I'll never love anyone else more than I love Kendall.

Kendall makes small thrusts into me; they're slow, sensual and impassioned movements. It's like he's in no rush to finish. Neither am I. I want this forever. I want _him_ forever.

He angles his hips and grinds into me. I pull Kendall deeper as his moves slightly quicken. His breathing begins to come out unevenly. He moves so passionately it's difficult for me to think that we're breaking up. I decide I should just enjoy this moment right now. My eyes shut tightly, and I feel him… I feel his mouth on my neck… I feel him inside of me, physically and emotionally.

I let go and I fly through a boundless sky of white clouds. It's magical. I feel so alive and free… It's my sanctuary with Kendall. It's our little piece of heaven. I soar through the pleasure as I drift closer to nirvana. His body electrifies my body until I can no longer hold it in. I find the ecstasy and feel the blaze of pleasure course throughout my body, igniting every cell. It's like gravity no longer exists, or simply just cannot hold me down. I finally arrive at nirvana and burst into a million particles, feeling lighter than air. My body slowly drifts back down, falling like a feather on a breezeless afternoon.

When I finally return from heaven, I open my eyes and see Kendall's flawless face inches from mine. _He's_ heaven. His glimmering green eyes look through mine; his supple lips part, inhaling short breaths.

His body limps and falls beside me. He smiles warmly at me and I return it. My own chest heaves up and down, trying to steady itself. Kendall drapes his arm over me and pulls me close.

I reach a finger to his lips and trace the contours. He kisses that finger and then wraps his hand around mine. I watch him, absorbing in every line and detail of his face, outlining every intimate perfection and imperfection of his. And as I study the lost lover beside me, I frown at the bitter tomorrows of my life without Kendall and I dream of better yesterdays.


	11. Sacrifices

**A/N: Welcome back to "BTA"! I know I haven't posted the past couple of weeks. I've been pretty busy with work and moving, but I'm excited to say that "BTA" is almost fully complete! I have a couple more chapters left (I'll continue to post one chapter a week like I usually do) then I can send it off to fanfic heaven with the rest of my stories lol.**

**I also want to let you guys know that your patience has not been in vain. I've already begun work on my next Kogan story, so definitely keep an eye out for that in a few weeks! I'm so excited to share that one with you because it's something I thought up about a year ago (around the same time as when I started "Big Time Love Story")! So I've been outlining it and even started writing bits and pieces of it, and I think you Kogan fans will definitely get a kick out of it. It's different than anything I've written so far, IMO.**

**Anyway, back to "BTA"! The songs that inspired this chapter were:**

"Ours" by The Bravery

"Swimming In The Flood" by Passion Pit

**I think the lyrics of "Ours" is so perfect for the situation Logan and Kendall are experiencing in this chapter. It's their last night together so the lines, "After tonight, who knows where we'll be tomorrow/What if we're never here again?" pretty much hits the nail on the head. Also the lines "Stop, stop, stop the clocks from turning/Stop the night from fading away" felt right, because I'm sure Logan would like to freeze his time left with Kendall.**

**There's a heightened feeling when we know we won't see someone we love for a while or ever again. We've all been there and know what that feels like, so I think this song captures that feeling very well.**

**And then I chose "Swimming In The Flood" because it's another song that captures a certain tone and mood very well, especially for this chapter and honestly the entire situation of the affair for Logan. Some of you may recall an earlier chapter titled "Drowning", in which Logan describes that he feels like he's slowly sinking into the affair, so Passion Pit's song ties this chapter back to that rather nicely.**

**Without further ado, I give you "Sacrifices".**

**Enjoy and please review!**

* * *

Kendall and I lay in the dark room, with nothing but Kendall's dim table lamp illuminating the room. The smell of our skin and lovemaking permeate in the air. I continue to stroke my finger against Kendall's skin; first his face, then down his body. He looks dreamy with his eyes closed, like a divine deity. I assume he's asleep but then his eyes slowly open again and he speaks.

"Logan?"

"Yeah?"

He's silent though, like he's momentarily thinking about how to word his question.

"If you could do it all over again… would you?"

The question catches me off guard. I debate it for a bit, giving it serious thought, because I never really thought about it before.

"The ethical thing to say would be that I wouldn't have had an affair with you, because look where it's gotten us. But, honestly, I'm ashamed for saying that I—"

I stop myself. I don't want to finish the sentence. It's too selfish of a statement. Kendall already knows what I'm going to say anyway.

"Yeah, me too," Kendall says as if on cue and finishing my thought. It's uncanny how we know what the other is about to say all the time.

He brings his body closer to mine. He doesn't realize that he's only making it harder for me to let him go.

"Would you have done anything differently?" I ask curiously.

"With you, no. I don't regret anything with you," he declares. This flatters my ego. "But I would tell Jo about us."

I imagine how things would've turned out had we told Jo and Camille the truth early on. It's too late now.

"What would you have done differently?" Kendall returns the question.

"Probably what you said; tell Camille the truth. And also, well, nevermind…" I trail off.

"No, what? Tell me," Kendall pleads as he rubs his thumb onto my shoulder.

"I would have also told you the truth… about how I'd been in love with you all these years. Maybe if I had been honest with my feelings sooner—before there was Camille, before there was Jo— maybe we could have had an actual chance at being a real couple," I theorize.

Kendall eyes hold tears that look ready to spill over. I've never seen him this emotionally vulnerable. He pulls me closer and we're body to body once more. I inhale his sweet scent and allow his warmth to wrap itself around me. I nuzzle my head against his chest.

"We could, you know… be a real couple," Kendall says in a low and somewhat sad voice.

I briefly imagine Kendall and me proudly holding hands in public and sitting together out by the pool like a real couple, one without shame. I quickly erase this image because it's only making the thought of not having him more difficult. Besides, what's the point? It's a fantasy I won't ever know.

"At what expense? We'll only hurt our friends even more."

"I don't _want_ anyone to get hurt, but sometimes love is worth fighting for," Kendall rationalizes.

The words briefly linger in silence. I think about how much I'm willing to overcome to have Kendall. I would do anything. There's not a single thing I wouldn't face, if it meant I could have Kendall in the end. Unfortunately, there doesn't seem to be a happy ending waiting for us at the end of the road. This is where our story stops. The thought is burning, scorching me from the inside out. It's too much to bear. But I know I've been selfish for too long. It's time that I do the noble thing. Kendall was never mine.

"We could prevent anyone else from getting hurt," I state.

"What do you mean?"

I tilt my head back so I can look him in the eyes.

"You need to be with Jo."

"No, Logan… I-I don't think I can leave you… I mean I know I've been conflicted but I don't think I have the strength to leave you. No, I _know_ I don't have the strength to leave you."

"Well you'll have to find it, because there's nothing left for you here."

"Yes, there is. YOU."

"We can't be together, Kendall. Are you not getting it? I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I knew you left Jo for me."

"Why are you pushing me away?"

"Because I screwed it up with Camille, but you can actually make it right with Jo."

Kendall looks at me with bewildered eyes and an unhinged jaw.

"You're serious…"

"I am. Jo really does love you. And I know you love her."

"Not the way I love you," Kendall declares.

A small petty part of me if filled with glee upon hearing this, but the logical part of me tries to ignore it.

"I've already told you I'm no longer an option. I can't keep living with this guilt. I'll only be set free when I set _you_ free."

"You're asking me to do the impossible. I can't be away from you. And you can't honestly say you can be without me either, Logan."

"No, you're right. It'll kill me to watch you leave, but I'll have to manage. I've managed to love you while you were with someone else before."

"So what then; we'll just both be miserable and miss each other? How is that the 'right' thing, Logan?" Kendall challenges.

"I don't know, but what I do know is I'm willing to sacrifice my happiness if it means I can amend the wrong that I've done," I reply candidly.

Kendall just looks at me with what seems like awe.

"You saying things like that proves what a beautiful person you truly are," he compliments as he brushes the back of his fingers against my face. "How can anyone not love you, Logan?"

"I wouldn't know. I've only been in love once," I confess.

And just like that Kendall crashes his lips on mine. It's passionate and tender. His lower lip grazes against mine and I open my mouth for a deeper kiss. I don't think I could ever get tired of kissing him.

And just when our kissing begins to get heavy, Kendall's phone goes off. The lit screen of his phone lights up the room, and I instantly know who it is; Jo.

"Answer it," I nod at Kendall.

He looks at me with reluctance but hits the green button.

"Hello?" Kendall says before he clears his throat.

I get out of bed and slide on my boxers sitting on the floor. I decide to leave the room to give Kendall some privacy—that and the fact that I'm not sure I can bear to listen to the conversation as it will hurt too much.

I go into the kitchen and rummage through the fridge. I grab a handful of grapes and devour them. I realize that I've barely ate anything today. My stomach has been in knots from all the tension lately, so my appetite has suffered as a result. I get a glass from a cabinet and fill it with tap water and gulp the whole thing down.

I stand there in the dark kitchen and anxiously tap my fingers on the kitchen countertop. I wonder what Kendall and Jo are talking about in there. I push that thought out of my head because it'll only make me go mad. I wipe my hands on my boxers and then realize that I accidently put on Kendall's boxers instead of mine. I was wondering why it felt a little loose.

I figure enough time has passed and that it's safe to go back into the room. When I get back Kendall is sitting quietly in the dark. He looks up at me when he hears the door open. The dim lamp allows me to see his smile, but there's a hint of sadness behind it. My breathing stops.

"Everything okay?" I ask breathlessly.

I go over to him in my bed and slide under the covers again. He wraps his arm around me and kisses my head.

"Jo said that she's already booked a flight for tomorrow afternoon."

My jaw unhinges itself.

"W-what? _Tomorrow_?"

I told Kendall he needed to go and be with Jo, but I thought I could have him with me for a bit longer. I guess I had deluded myself into thinking I could stretch my time with him, but our time is up.

Kendall just nods glumly.

"What did you tell her?"

"I didn't really say anything. I was too blindsided by how fast everything's happening."

_That makes two of us_, I think.

"Well what did she say then?"

"She told me that they're doing a table read for the pilot script in a few days. She said she's going with or without me. She also said she booked two tickets just in case…"

"One for her… and one for you," I state the obvious out loud.

Kendall doesn't say anything. He allows me to process everything, because he's probably trying to process everything, too.

"So this is when you're supposed to tell me you want me to stay," Kendall finally says.

I zone out for a split second. I imagine Kendall and me holding hands by the pool again. But unlike last time when I erased it, I hold onto it this time, because I know that it will never become a reality. My fantasy of a happy life with Kendall is all I have left.

"No. This is the part when I tell you that you need to get on that plane with her tomorrow," I say.

I feel a lump in my throat and my eyes betray me. The tears trickle down slowly, but I don't have the strength to hold them back anymore.

"Logan… don't do this. Don't break us up."

"What 'us'? There's no 'us', Kendall. There never was. You were never mine."

"Well, I am yours whether you want to admit it to yourself or not. Logan… you have my heart."

An emotional cider block hits me. Why does he have to say such beautiful things when I'm at my most vulnerable? I love him in all the silly and irrational ways a person can love. And he loves me. And yet I can't have him. Is love supposed to be this cruel?

My tears continue to fall upon hearing his pouring of emotions. He's the most beautiful thing I've known, in every sense of the word.

"I may have your heart, but I can't have you. If you love me, Kendall—truly love me—then you'll understand why I have to let you go."

Kendall doesn't come back with a counter or rebuttal. He knows I've made up my mind, whether he agrees with it or not. He simply pulls me close and holds me, which in truth is all I want from him right now. I silently cry as he embraces me.

"How long will you be gone?" I ask quietly.

"Not sure. A few months at the very least, I'm guessing."

"That's not too bad," I try to remain optimistic, but I know a lot can change in a few months.

"It'll feel like an eternity without you, though," Kendall says.

I imagine it would feel the same for me, but I try to stay positive.

"Are you sure you want to do this? Are you sure you're ready to give up on us?" he asks me.

"No, I'm not sure of lots of things these days," I confess. "But I've made up my mind."

"Ok, I'll respect that," he tells me before he kisses my forehead. "How are you so sure that just because I'm with Jo that she and I can make it work?"

"I don't know. I guess that's sort of the point… it'll give you a chance to try."

"You know the second it doesn't work out between her and I that I will come back for you though, right?"

"And I'll be here ready to love you," I promise him looking up into his eyes. "But promise me you'll try to give your relationship with Jo a chance."

Kendall remains silent.

"Promise me, Kendall," I demand.

"I promise," he finally says.

I wrap my arms around his waist and he pulls me even closer to him. Our bodies rest as one and the events of today wear on us. We succumb to the exhaustion and finally fall to sleep.

That night I dream of Kendall. In my dream, I relive a time we were playing on the playground during recess. We pretended to be pirates trying to invade another ship, which was run by Captain James and his First Mate Carlos. Kendall saved me when I almost lost a sword fight against Carlos. I'll never forget how much I idolized him, how much I wanted to be like him. Little did I know, ten years later I would fall in love with him only to lose him to someone else…

When I wake, I see that the sun is barely up. I look over at Kendall and see that he's still asleep. I carefully and slowly roll out of bed, making sure I don't wake him. I open the drawer of the nightstand and tear a sheet from a notepad.

I begin to write, not knowing exactly what I what to say—because after all there's not enough words in the English language to tell him how much I love him and wish he were forever with me.

_Kendall,_

_I've gone out for a walk to clear my mind. I'm hoping by the time I return to our room, you'll already be gone, because I can't bear to see you leave. Please do as I ask and don't come find me. I'm sorry. I love you. _

_Logan_

I neatly fold the sheet of paper in half. I hope he respects my request. I'm not one for good-byes—I take them too personally and always end up saddening the other person, too.

After I leave the note for Kendall, I get dress and head for the bathroom. I brush my teeth and wash my face. I look at myself in the mirror and think back to a few weeks ago when Kendall and I made love in the same bathroom. I remember how scared and excited I was at the same time. I didn't know what being alive felt like until Kendall touched me so intimately.

I decide to go out for a walk in the park to clear my head. By the time I make it outside the sun is peeking up from the horizon. The reddish orange glow it gives Hollywood is stunning. The morning is quiet with only a few residents up at this hour lingering in the park.

I figure coffee sounds good early in the morning, so I cut through the park and head a few blocks down. I find a café on a corner of a street. Coincidentally it's next to the gelato shop that Kendall took me to on our series of dates. I can't keep avoiding everything and every place that reminds me of Kendall, so I go into the little café anyway. Even for a coffee shop, there are more people than I expected up this early. I guess all the wannabe-starlets need their double lattes and macchiatos, too.

I order a cappuccino, just because I've never had one and I think of how Kendall would tell me to try something new if he were with me. He always encourages me to step out of my comfort zone. They call my name and I take my cup of cappuccino and sit on a stool facing out into the street. I watch as the sun gradually touches every part of the street until it has fully lit the entire block. It's strange to think how after a period of darkness, life can seem so magnificently bright. I hold onto this hope, because I'll need it when Kendall leaves.

I look down at my cup and see that the barista artfully drew a heart into the foam of my cappuccino. I sigh and mutter to myself and swirl my finger into the foam to erase all traces of a saccharine heart. I take a small sip of the cappuccino and find that I like it, even though I burned my tongue a bit in the process. It's sweet and frothy; it reminds me of hot chocolate I used to make at Kendall's house back in Minnesota. Again! Why do I constantly bring it back to Kendall? Can I go through a day without being reminded of him? I'm not sure I can…

I sit and slowly sip on my cappuccino, staring out at Hollywood, pondering what I would be doing right now if I stayed in Minnesota instead of coming here. I imagine different scenarios of my life, but in the end it's pointless, because they're all What Ifs. I'll never know if my life would have turned out any better or worse if I chose a different path, just like I didn't know my affair with Kendall would lead me to sit alone in this café today.

I glance up at the clock and realize that I've been sitting there for almost the past hour and an half. I wipe my cappuccino-foamed mouth with a napkin and head back to the park. It's gotten fuller since I was here earlier. I find a park bench and sit down, taking in the warmth.

I observe the people scattered throughout the park. There's the aspiring actress sitting under a tree, reading a script no doubt. Then there's the young musician, strumming on his acoustic guitar. Then I see a young couple at the gazebo. They hold hands and stare intensely into one another's eyes. They kiss and I see that blissful look on their faces. It's the same feeling I get when I kiss Kendall. I begin to feel maudlin again. I think about whether or not I'll be able to love again. And if I do find love again, will it be as great as my love for Kendall. It might have something to do with me being young, but I can't imagine myself loving anyone more than I love Kendall.

I suddenly feel tired, like my emotions have been sapped from me taking away my physical endurance with it. So much for that espresso in my cappuccino… I rest my head on the seat of the bench and curl myself into a fetal position. Before I know it, my eyes close and I doze off. When I wake, the park is once again fuller with people. I wonder how long I've slept so I ask a guy that walks by for the time—he tells me it's almost noon. I guess I slept longer than I thought.

I rub my eyes and wonder if I'm experiencing a Wonderland-esque situation. Maybe everything that has happened in the past three weeks has just been some sort of bizarre nightmare. Maybe I didn't hook up with Kendall on the bathroom floor. Maybe we didn't secretly have an ongoing affair behind our girlfriends' backs. Maybe I didn't really break up with him last night. Maybe Kendall isn't leave for Vancouver after all. All these maybes but one thing I do know is that my denial is simply blinding me, because the truth is I practically sent Kendall away. He gave me ample chances to change my mind, but now I've lost him. He's probably already at the airport with Jo. I then realize I'm crying in public.

My heart aches in ways I can't even understand. I know understand how people feel when they lose a lover—maudlin poetry, those histrionic novels, those sappy songs, those melodramatic movies—I get it all now. I need an emotional connection—any kind. Then I realize where I can go to fill the void.

I instinctively walk to Camille's apartment.


	12. Revelations and Possibilities

**A/N: I know it's been awhile, but I have the new—and finally—chapter of "BTA"! I have to say I'm very excited to give you the conclusion to this story. It's my second longest fanfic to date, so obviously I've invested a lot of time into creating this story, but I'm rather happy with it. This fanfic has actually been the most organic writing process for me than any other of my fanfics. A lot was changed and revised from the original draft, but I'm glad I made the choices I did.**

**The songs that inspired this chapter are:**

"White Flag" by Dido

"I'm Not Over" by Carolina Liar

**I really like both of these songs because they both pertain to love, but in tone they're very different. I love "White Flag" by Dido, because it's not your typical "love" song or even break-up song for that matter. It's about realizing you screwed up a great relationship and wishing you had a second chance, because let's be honest, don't we all want a redo from time to time? It's a good song that captures Logan's feelings in the first half of this chapter. Plus, I like the lyrics "I will go down with this ship", because I will go down with the Kogan ship! :P**

**Then Carolina Liar's "I'm Not Over" soundtracks the second half of the chapter pretty nicely. Initially, it was a different song by a different band that I used, but then I played "I'm Not Over" and it seemed more suitable and just made sense.**

**Anyway I hope you all enjoy the final chapter of "BTA" and I want to reiterate my appreciation for all your continued support and, most of all, patience! I'm also very excited to start work on my next fanfic (I have a few others in progress, as well). Without further ado, please enjoy "Revelations and Possibilities".**

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When I return to the Palm Woods, I head into the elevator to take me up to Camille's floor. My mind involuntarily takes me back to when I was in here last with Kendall. I think of that kiss… I think of how his soft lips pressed against mine. The elevator chimes and the doors open with a few residents staring at me. I then realize they're simply politely waiting for me to get out so they can board.

I step out and head to Camille's apartment, 4J. I stop in front of her place and before I knock, I pause. Why exactly did I think this would be a good idea? What would I even say to her? I decided to come here because I'm feeling low, but Camille and I haven't spoken since the other night when she caught Kendall and me making out in the elevator.

I figure I need to try my luck regardless. I owe it to Camille. I can't bear to leave our friendship on bad terms—I've basically already done that with Kendall… So I knock on her door with bated breath.

The door opens. Camille looks surprised upon seeing me, but the surprise turns into a frown. It breaks my heart seeing her in pain, especially now that I understand that pain. I understand what it feels like to love someone you can't have. But I temporarily bury my own pain, because right now it's not about me. It's about making amends with Camille.

"Remember me? I'm the jerkface that broke your heart," I try joking. It fails, because Camille's frown doesn't budge.

"What do you want, Logan? I'm pretty busy," Camille says in a tone that's far from her usual animated self.

"I just wanted to talk to you."

"I'm not much for talking these days."

"Camille… can I please just come in?" I plead.

She looks as though she's deciding but eventually opens the door.

We step into her apartment, which for some reason seems lifeless, like all the colors have been sucked out. I remember her apartment being much more colorful, lively and quirky. Then I realize that she's taken down a lot of framed photos, most of which were of me. I can't say that I blame her.

We sit down on her couch, but she doesn't look at me.

"Do you hate me? 'Cause I hate me," I announce to finally break the silence.

She finally gives in and rolls her eyes and relaxes her frown.

"No, I don't hate you, Logan Mitchell. Maybe just strongly disliking you right now and will be making false lies about what a bad kisser you are."

I smile. It's reassuring she's still got a spark of that Camille spirit and sense of humor left in her.

"So are you saying I'm a good kisser?" I ask playfully.

"No, of course not! Okay, fine, you were pretty good…"

I smile proudly.

"Exactly how good?" I probe.

"I'm not talking about this anymore, Logan Mitchell!" Camille laughs and playfully hits me with a throw pillow.

We briefly laugh forgetting for a short moment how complicated things have gotten. I try to imagine a happy life with Camille. She's beautiful, funny, and smart. What's there not to love about her? But somehow it's not enough. As much as I love her, it can never be what she wants. It will never be what she deserves out of a guy. My love for her is something entirely different than my love for Kendall. There are no words or labels for my feelings towards Kendall. It's not logical, it's psychological.

The laughing ceases as if the reality washes over both Camille and I.

"Kendall and I… we aren't together anymore," I disclose to Camille. "I'm not sure that we ever really were, to be honest."

"I'm sorry to hear that," Camille says in a low sympathetic voice. I flinch.

Camille is apologizing to _me_? Shouldn't it be the other way around? I was the scumbag in the relationship, not her.

"You are…?" I ask hesitantly; I fear somehow it's some sort of a bitter girlfriend test of hers.

"Yeah, I am," she chuckles without humor. "Why are you so surprised?"

"Well, honestly? I did cheat on you," I say candidly. The word "cheat" is hard to say aloud, especially to Camille of all people.

"Yeah, don't think I've forgotten," Camille says bitterly. "I mean, what you did was awful but I know Kendall is someone very important in your life. I always knew. Even the blind could see how much he means to you."

I didn't realize my affection for Kendall was so transparent. I guess I've always loved him in some form.

I simply give Camille a small smile. I don't have a response to her comment. Kendall _is_ important to me. She knows this, I know this, but I don't need to add salt to her wound by talking about how much I love Kendall.

"You know, for a scorned girlfriend, you're pretty amazing, you know that?"

"Yeah… I know…" Camille says unabashedly.

We share a laugh, but then I ask why she's come to terms with my affair with Kendall so easily.

"You and I didn't make sense from the start," she begins. "We were always on and off, and even when we were 'on', I always felt a distance. I suppose a part of me knew you weren't in love with me the way I was in love with you. I guess I just convinced myself you'd come around."

I look at her—she's perfectly human and vulnerable right now. She's not in character rehearsing for an upcoming audition. She's simply herself. There's a stab at my heart when I think of how I've hurt her.

"Camille, I'm really, really sorry. I should have been honest with you. Actually, I should have been honest with myself. Maybe if I had, we could have avoided anyone getting hurt."

"I'm not mad at you anymore. Don't get me wrong, I was. I mean, like, I was really, really mad at you. I even went to this weird gypsy shop and got a voodoo doll that looked like you and—"

"Okay, Camille," I politely interrupted. "I get it—you were mad at me. Can you forgive me?"

"Yes, of course. Besides, I've always wanted a gay best friend," she teases.

I roll my eyes, but smile at her. I'm glad that Camille still wants my friendship, because I still want hers.

"Oh, I'm sorry! You said you were busy. I hope I'm not taking up your time," I apologize.

"Nah… I just lied hoping to get you to leave," she says sticking out her tongue. "What about you though? Why are you here when you should be fighting for Kendall? I mean, what was the whole point of everything you had with him if you were just going to throw it all away?"

Her words linger, because Kendall said something similar last night, about how love sometimes is worth fighting for. Then something ignites in me—like a spark that has been rekindled.

I feel it. That burning passion every time I think of Kendall. It never went away, it's only simmered because I had convinced myself I'd lost him to Jo, but the truth is, I need for him to know I can't live without him. I don't just need him in my life, he _is_ my life.

"You're right," I say in revelation. "Camille, I have to go find him…"

"Go to him, Logan," Camille advises me.

I run out of her apartment, but then I stop and turn around. I run back to her and give her a tight hug.

"I love you," I say softly as I embrace her.

"I know you do. It'll just never be the way you love him," she acknowledges with tremendous grace yet a shade of sadness. She truly deserves better.

She smiles at me with tears brimming at her eyes and motions her head towards the door.

"Go!" she tells me.

I smile and release her from my grip and run into the hallway. I run and yell for someone to hold the elevator. I make it to the elevator too late so I run down the stairs back to the second floor. I charge through the hall, bolt through the apartment and throw open our bedroom door.

The room is empty.

Kendall's half of the room has been cleared. My clothes sit alone in the closet that we had once shared. I scan the room breathlessly and see a piece of paper lying on my bed. I pick it up and read it.

_Logan,_

_As much as it kills me not to see you one more time before I leave, I respect your wish. You said you aren't good with good-byes, but maybe that's a good thing. Maybe it doesn't have to be a good-bye, just a 'see you later'. You'll always be in my dreams. I love you more than you can understand. _

_Kendall_

I sink down onto my bed, trying to catch my breath, but not from running down all those flights of stairs, but from losing oxygen at the thought of losing Kendall. I tightly clutch the note in my hand until it starts feeling numbing from the restricted blood circulation. I'm angry at myself. Why did I let him go? He was right. Camille was right. Love is worth fighting for. Even if it's a twisted love affair; if it's love—real, all-consuming love (because honestly is there any other kind worth living for?)—then it's worth the fight.

I force my knees to straighten and I stand up tall. This is me fighting. I'm not ready to give up. I feel that burning fire inside me ignite again—scorching, really. My body sprints, as if possessed by some sort of magical force, compelled to run towards Kendall without rhyme or reason.

I run pass Bitters in the lobby as he shouts something at me. Probably something along the lines of "slow down", but I don't even bother registering what he's saying. I'm doing anything but slowing down; my heart races, my veins pump, my muscles strain, my chest heaves, my body lunges forward. I yell for a taxi but the driver doesn't hear me. I crash into the side of the cab when I can't slow down quickly enough.

The cab driver is clearly startled, but I fling open the door and jump in before he can drive off away from my madness. He turns around looking at me with worried and anxious eyes. I scream for him to take me to the airport and before he can protest or tell me to buckle up, he steps on the gas, probably out of fear that he may be driving a deranged teen hopped on drugs.

I grip onto the back of his seat, supervising his driving, which feels still too slow even though he's going well over the speed limit. I obnoxiously command him to swerve through traffic and run a few lights that barely turn red. He keeps his eyes on the road, but occasionally glances into the rearview mirror to see his crazy passenger.

I know I should relax and cut the driver a break. He's going as fast as he can and I can't physically do anything while I'm sitting in the backseat anyway. I just feel nauseatingly impatient and anxious. I keep wondering if I'll be too late, or what if I already am too late? I hate the feeling of not having control or knowing the outcome of a situation. It's frustrating, but I have to remind myself to relax because I've already sweated through my shirt.

I try relaxing my stiff shoulders and take in deep inhales. We pass a few places that Kendall and I went to during our secret dates. I miss him even more. I smile at the prospect of seeing him though. This is the first time in my life when I'm throwing caution to the wind and really living with perfect clarity. During the affair, I kept torturing myself with my guilt. I by no means condone my actions or think what I did was just, but I can't change how I feel about Kendall. Not even my guilt can prevent me from seeing him. I now understand that Jo wasn't the obstacle, it was my own conscience that I had to overcome to reach Kendall.

I look up and see that we've made it to the airport. We continue to swerve around cars that move too slowly for our agenda. But we come to a halt when a line of cars are stopped at the curbside of the airport. I realize this is where I must continue by foot, so I thank the cabbie, throw a few twenties at him, not even bothering to get change, and hop out of the cab.

I maneuver my way through the crowd of people, and run into the airport. I instinctively start taking off my belt and shoes and emptying my pockets before I even reach the metal detectors to save time. I grab my belongings in the plastic bin and run to a nearby destination board. I quickly scan it and see the only flight heading for Vancouver. Fuck! It's already boarding!

I run towards the gate in hopes that Kendall hasn't boarded yet. What if he has? I have to stop him though, right? I've come this far, I can't just turn around and go home just because he's already boarded the plane. I don't care if I look like a madman; I can't let him take off.

I weave through agonizingly slow moving people. I get dirty looks and angry mumblings from all sides, but I choose to ignore them. I wipe my damp forehead, hoping Kendall will forgive me for looking so disheveled. I stop running for a brief moment and look around to find that I'm only a few gates away. I resume running again, accidentally bumping into someone's carry-on. I apologize this time but my legs don't slow one bit—if anything they move even faster. _You're almost there!_ I encourage myself.

I finally make it to the gate, after what feels like a marathon run. I run for the gate door, when the gate attendant stops me.

"Sir! Sir! I'm sorry but the gate is now closed," she informs me. "You can go to customer service and see if they can book you a later flight."

"No, you don't understand, I have to talk to someone on that plane!" I protest.

"I'm sorry, sir, but we cannot allow that," she says firmly.

"If you'll just please let me through, it will only take a few minutes," I plead to the gate attendant.

"Sir, I don't think you understand. The plane has already taken off."

My head immediately turns to the glass windows to see the plane that Kendall is on ascending. I'm too late.

My racing heart finally comes to an abrupt stop.

"Oh," I exhale in defeat.

My now watery eyes remain fixed on the airborne plane—the plane sending the love of my life over a thousand miles away from me.

I continue to watch the plane move further from me, until it's no longer visible to me… and I continue to stare into the blue sky, maybe secretly hoping it will somehow magically turn around for me.

"Is there anything we can do for you, sir?" the gate attendant asks of me.

I finally remove my gaze from the glass windows and turn to her. I barely register her words, but I mumble a weak "no thank you" and walk off—to where, I'm not sure. My purpose is lost on me.

I walk aimlessly through the airport, with no sense of direction or guidance until I somehow make it outside into the warm air. A taxi immediately stops in front of me, clearly trying to pick up a customer. I get in barely acknowledging the cab driver.

He asks me something; probably where I need to go. I mumble "the Palm Woods", even though I'm not entirely sure if he asked that of me, but either way the taxi begins to move and the airport blurs behind us, like a fading memory…

I sit in the taxi, only this time I'm in no particular hurry. I feel numb. I can't even produce tears. It's like my mind and body has given up on me. All that keeps plaguing my thoughts is that I was too late.

I was too late.

I was too _late_.

If I had figured out how much I need Kendall in life sooner, then maybe I wouldn't have been too late. I threw away the one chance of us starting fresh.

The taxi comes to a halt and in the silence I can hear the engine run. I sit in the silence, listening to the rumble of the engine because I don't know what else to do with myself at this point. The cab driver clears his throat in attempt to bring something to my attention. I look up and realize that we have arrived back at the Palm Woods. When did this happen?

I see that the cab driver is impatiently holding his hand out for his cab fare so he can ditch me, move on and pick up a new passenger. I decide then and there that I like the first cab driver better—even if he did think I was nuts.

I open up my wallet and pull out what's left of cash there is in it. Fortunately, there's enough to cover the fare. Unfortunately, there's not much left to tip the driver. I generously and carelessly gave most of my money to the first driver, leaving this driver with a paltry tip. He looks annoyed and I know I should get out now before the cab fare goes up any more.

I walk in the lobby and people part way for me. I must look so depressed and pathetic to them that they let me go by. Even Bitters looks like an eternal optimist next to me right now.

No one gets into the elevator with me, even though a few of them were waiting before I got there. I ride the elevator up alone to the second floor.

I stand in front of our apartment, 2J, with no desire to go in. What's the point? I only moved here so I could continue to be with Kendall but now he is no longer here. I feel a pain course through me and filling my heart. The numbness is clearly gone, but somehow I still can't cry.

I miss him. I miss him more than I thought I could humanely miss a person.

I sigh and bury the pain, because it'll do me no good. I still have to carry on and live my life with or without Kendall. It's just proving more difficult living the latter.

I get into the apartment and it's empty. It _feels_ empty. I can feel the gaping void. It's odd how much a single person can carry such a significant presence in your everyday life. Of course you never realize it until they're actually gone.

Even though I know seeing a half-empty room where Kendall's things belonged will only sadden me more, all I want to do is go into the room, curl up on my bed and sleep through the whole day. I open the bedroom door and my heart and breathing stops simultaneously.

It's Kendall.

He's sitting on my bed. He's been waiting for me. He looks up upon hearing me enter the room. His green eyes bore themselves into mine and then all the surge of emotions that I've forced myself to contain floods me. I'm elated, confused, ashamed, and terrified all at once. Tears cascade down my face profusely. He instantly runs over to me with a concerned frown and holds me. I grip onto him like he's oxygen. I cry against his shoulder as he hushes me and tries to pacify my absurd crying.

I pull him away from him, not because I don't want his embrace, but only because I have to know why he's here.

"W-what are doing here? Your plane…" I stammer through my strained voice.

"I never got on the plane," he tells me.

Something about his tone is new to me. I expect there to be some regret or fear in his voice—him thinking that he had made the wrong choice or a choice with deep consequences in coming here. Instead, his voice doesn't hold those nuances; it holds a confident and almost revelatory tone.

"Why not?" I ask like an ignorant fool.

"You know why, Logan."

And then before I can say anything else, his lips are on mine.

I feel it.

I feel it all.

Every beautiful thing that a human can feel courses through me in a heavenly way. We don't need words. We never did to communicate. Our love spoke for itself.

Our mouths mold together like they were designed to be as one. I don't want to be anywhere but here with Kendall—kissing him, loving him.

Our lips part, deepening our kiss. He's as delicious as I remember. His hand slides down to my lower back and he pulls me against his body. My hands roam around his neck. I pull at the hairs at the nape of his neck and then run them through the rest of his hair. My heart swells in size to the point where I feel it could burst like a thin latex balloon at any moment.

When we realize we're mere mortals and still have a need for oxygen, we pull our mouths carefully away, but we never stop holding each other. I look up into his eyes, trying to figure out how I have someone so magnificent and wonderful in my life.

He smiles at me. Then he places a hand under my chin and plants a gentle and small kiss on my lips. It's tender, but as impassioned as any kiss I've felt.

I look at him and curiously ask, "What now?"

He gently shakes his head and replies, "I don't know. We have nothing but possibilities."

I smile. I imagine all the endless possibilities with Kendall, because quite frankly, there is no one I can think of that I would want to experience all of life and love with than him.

He kisses me again and I think back to all the obstacles we've faced. It was has been a struggle to finally get to this point, but then a revelation hits me: it can only get better from here on out...

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**Hope you all enjoyed this story! Please review and keep an eye out for future Kogan fanfics! ;)**


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